Friday, December 17, 2021

Silent Support - Vayechi

 


Silent Support
Parshat Vayechi - Chazak


This week's Torah portion of Vayechi recounts our forefather Yackov's final years in Egypt. Yackov passes away and is buried in Eretz Yisrael. Eventually, Yosef and all his brothers, also pass away, and that era comes to an end. The portion of Vayechi, which is the final portion in the book of Berishit, concludes on a rather sad and depressing note. The era of the tribes has ended, and the servitude is eminent.

The Torah tells us in the last verse of this book (Berishis:50:26) "An Yosef died at the age of one hundred and ten years; they embalmed him and he was placed in a coffin in Egypt".

What a sad and depressing note to end the Book of Berishis! Couldn't the Torah have ended on a more promising and uplifting note? 

Our sages explain that actually this ending is far from sad and depressing, but rather, uplifting and one of hope. The servitude of Egypt was about to begin and it would be a difficult and challenging two hundred and ten years for the Jewish people. They would need all their strength and fortitude to survive. They would need spiritual guidance, physical resilience, and emotional fortitude to weather the difficulties of exile. And it was Yosef who would be their support and rock. The same Yosef, who protected and cared for them in Egypt would now be "with them" in Egypt as they went through this difficult period. So actually, Yosef's burial in a coffin, in the Nile Delta, is a message of hope and encouragement, as he would be there with his people. Yosef was supporting and silently encouraging them.

In raising children and adolescents, one of the greatest gifts that we can give them is support. We must give them encouragement, support and even as they mature into young adults, we must continue to stand behind our children and be there for them. However, the style of support changes as the child ages. An infant must literally be held and fed. A toddler must be put down for a nap. A young child must be redirected to do the proper and correct things. A teenager must be validated, acknowledged and encouraged. A young adult must be reasoned with etc. etc. Sometimes, the support comes in the form of just being there while our children make their mark on the world, branch out, and try new things.

The lesson of this week's parshah is that like Yosef, we need to be there for our children, family, and friends. While Yosef couldn't say or do anything posthumously, nevertheless, he was there for them, offering support, love and guidance. 

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

Thursday, December 2, 2021

Silver Linings - Miketz-Chanukah

Silver Linings
Parshat Miketz-Chanukah

This week's Parshah, Parshat Miketz, opens with dreams. Pharaoh has two dreams and is perplexed and seeks clarity on the meaning of them. Seeking to ingratiate himself, the butler (who had a dream in the previous portion) mentions to Pharaoh how "a young lad, a Hebrew, a slave" helped me interpret my dream. Yosef is taken out of prison, brought before the king, and successfully interprets the dreams. He is then elevated to the position of viceroy of Egypt.

When we closely examine the dialogue between Pharaoh and Yosef, we see something remarkable. Yosef's interpretation of the dreams, that there would be seven years of plenty followed by seven years of famine, also provides a solution of how to circumvent the disaster of the impending famine. As the Torah tells us
(Berishis 41:33) "Now let Pharaoh seek out a discerning and wise man and set him over the land of Egypt. And let them gather all of the food of those approaching good years; let them amass fine grain under Pharaoh's authority for food in the cities and safeguard it".

While some see Yosef's interpretation as seizing the opportunity to get out of prison, according to many commentaries, however, the "solution" to the problem was in fact part and parcel of the dream itself. Yosef advised how to see the positive element, avert disaster, and in turn was appointed the viceroy to oversee this emergency preparation.

What was it about Yosef's interpretation that Pharaoh related to? 

Some commentaries explain that Pharaoh had actually dreamt the meaning of his dream as well, but had forgotten. When Yosef interpreted it correctly, it awakened the memory within Pharaoh. Perhaps, however, there is something else at play here as well. While many wise men and necromancers offered varying interpretations, only one saw the silver lining and possessed the ability to do something about a negative situation. That individual was Yosef. He not only saw the impending famine, but also devised a plan to circumvent the disaster to bring comfort to his countrymen.

In the story of Chanukah we see a similar concept. Contrary to popular knowledge, Chanukah does not mark the end to the wars waged with the Syrian Greeks. In fact, after the story of Chanukah in 165 BCE, the wars and skirmishes continued, and eventually all five Maccabee brothers died in battle. If so, why the celebration of Chanukah in the first place? What was the celebration really all about?

Our sages explain, that the Chashmonaim focused their celebration on the miracle of the Menorah and the rededication of the Bet Hamikdash. While there were still many problems and challenges that lay ahead, they saw the silver lining and were grateful for the blessings they had. They had the wisdom to live in the moment and do something positive about it. The Maccabees were able to appreciate the blessings and celebrate.

Too often, we become so overwhelmed by our struggles and challenges, and are unable to see the blessings of our children and our families. The combined lesson from our Parshah and from Chanukah is to focus on the blessings. We must recognize the silver lining and goodness that Hashem bestows upon us.

Shabbat Shalom and Chanukah Sameach.

Friday, November 12, 2021

Is your head on right? - Vayetzei

Is your head on right?
Parshat Vayetzei


In this week's Torah portion we read how our forefather Yaakov left his parent's home and traveled to Lavan's (his uncle) home in Charan to find a suitable wife.

The Torah describes his departure from the land of Israel (Bereishit 28:10-11)
ויפגע במקום וילן שם ויקח מאבני המקום וישם מראשתיו וישכב במקום ההוא"- Jacob departed from Beer-Sheva and went towards Charan. He encountered the place and spent the night there because the sun had set; he took from the stones of the place which he arranged around his head, and lay down in that place".

According to tradition and the many commentaries, it was on Mt. Moriah, the future home of the Temple where Yaakov slept and had his famous dream of the ladder ascending into the heaven. It was in this special place that our forefather rested for the night. 

The Torah tells us that Yaakov took stones which he arranged around his head. The question is, why? What was the purpose of these stones? At first glance, one can imagine Yaakov forming a makeshift pillow of sorts in order to sleep a bit more comfortably. However, Rashi (France 1040-1105) brings an explanation from the Midrash (Berieshis Rabbah 11) that Yaakov arranged these stones in a semi circle around his head, to protect himself from the wild animals. This explanation, begs further discussion. If Yaakov was worried about wild animals, was he not worried about his arms, legs and torso? Would some stones really protect him if he was attacked by a bear or lion? What about Yaakov's trust in Hashem to protect him?

The Lubavitcher Rebbe explains (Likutei Sichos, Vol.1 Vayetzei) that Yaakov placed the stones around his head as a symbolic measure. Yaakov was not protecting his physical head, but his spiritual head, his morals and values. 

Yaakov had left Eretz Yisrael and was now headed to a spiritually barren land. Charan was the polar opposite of the holiness of Israel. He was headed there to marry and start a life for himself, but
Yaakov
was worried. How would he protect his spiritual identity? How would he protect the values and ethics that were taught to him by his parents and grandparents? The answer was "protect your head" or in more simple terms "make sure your head is on right". Get your values and priorities right and you will be strong, no matter what challenge you face.

Our children are just beginning their lives. Their journeys will be fraught with many challenges, obstacles and pitfalls. We may wonder how can I protect my children? How can I help my child become a resilient, ethical and spiritual person? The answer from this week's Parshah is "protect the head", focus on instilling and nurturing the values, ethics, and spirituality in your children and as they grow and encounter the real world, they will be protected and strong.

Shabbat Shalom.
Rabbi Y. Marrus 



Tuesday, October 26, 2021

Innocence - Chayei Sarah

Innocence
Parshat Chayei Sarah


This week's Torah portion of Chayei Sarah (the life of Sarah) ironically opens with the account of her passing. Our matriarch Sarah, had a long and beautiful life. The Torah describes her passing
ויהיו חיי שרה מאה שנה ועשרים שנה ושבע שנים שני חיי שרה"
Sarah's lifetime was one hundred years, twenty years, and seven years; the years of Sarah's life."

Understandably, our commentaries want to understand the strange structure of this verse "one hundred years, twenty years, and seven years" when it would have been much simpler to just state; she lived one hundred and twenty seven years. Rashi (France 1040-1105) explains (Bereishis Rabbah 58:1) that it is teaching us that at the age of one hundred she was free of sin like a twenty year old (the heavenly court does not punish prior until age twenty). At the age of twenty, she was beautiful and innocent like a seven year old. The Chuzkuni (France 13th Century) elaborates on this and says that just as a seven year old has a natural beauty, so too, Sarah, had that quality. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Belarus / US 1895-1986) explains that although Sarah was so beautiful, yet her beauty did not cause others to see her in an  inappropriate manner. Rather, she was viewed in a beautiful, spiritual and innocent way.

We may wonder why it seems that the Torah commentaries are focused on explaining this verse with a focus on innocence and beauty. Can't we just say that Sarah was beautiful and leave it at that?

We live in the information age. Between the development of smartphones, computers and hi-speed internet capability, the world is at our fingertips. We have access to practically anything and everything  we want, and can buy, sell, trade, watch, teach and study in a much quicker way than ever before. The world has become a smaller place, with us able to communicate, text, chat, and video call with people from all over the globe, and view events happening in real-time wherever they may be. But along with these exciting developments and changes in our world comes a dangerous pitfall. Our children have access to many inappropriate and negative things as well. From the inappropriate and vulgar music, video games and TV shows, to the downright exploitation of women and things of a sexual nature, our children are more exposed than ever before in the history of the world.

As such, as parents and educators, it is of the highest priority to keep our children far away from these negative influences. The innocence of our children is something that we ought to preserve, as long as possible, before they become exposed to the dark side of our world.

Perhaps our Torah portion is teaching us this important lesson. Innocence is a beautiful and important quality and a vital component of raising children. Let's not be in a rush to have our children grow up and be exposed to everything out there. Rather, like Sarah our matriarch, let our children have the blessing of innocence, purity and childhood for as long as possible.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 




Wednesday, October 20, 2021

Don't Give Up - Vayera

 

Don't Give Up
Parshat Vayera


Our Torah portion opens with Avraham Avinu recovering from the Brit Milah (circumcision) as he sits outside his tent. The Torah describes how three angels in the form of men came to visit him. Avraham runs towards them, bustling about welcoming his guests, treating them like royalty and prepares for them a true  feast. Avraham asks Sarah to prepare and knead cakes.

Then the Torah says "ואל הבקר רץ אברהם, ויקח בן בקר רך וטוב ויתן אל הנער וימהר לעשות אותו - Then Avraham ran to the cattle , took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to the youth who hurried to prepare it".

Rashi (France 1040-1105) brings a clarification (Midrash Rabbah 13) that the "youth" was Yishmael who Avraham wanted to educate in the proper path of Mitzvot. As such, Yishmael was given the task of helping to prepare for the guests. 

As this portion of Vayera is the fourth portion in the Torah, I believe that this is the first mention of Chinuch (Education) in the Torah. We see how Avraham, the first Jew, is making a conscious and directed effort to educate his thirteen year old son. 

However, when we look closer at the previous Parshah, Lech Lecha, and later on in our Parshah, something additional stands out. Yishmael was not exactly a model citizen or an easy child. The Torah describes him (Berishit 16:12) as "And he shall be a wild-ass of a man, his hand against everyone, and everyone's hand against him; and over all his brothers shall he dwell". Later on in our Parshah, Yishmael is banished by Sarah for his wild and wicked behavior.

Surely, it was challenging and difficult for Avraham to parent this child, especially as he entered his teen years. And yet, we see something beautiful and insightful. Avraham continued to believe in his son and provide Chinuch (education) for him. He looked for ways to involve his son and make him feel invested and connected to Hachnasat Orchim (inviting guests) and Mitzvot. He refused to give up on him.

What a beautiful lesson of never giving up hope on a child, no matter how challenging or difficult it may be. If Avraham refused to give up hope on Yishmael, we can certainly make an extra effort to give love, education and feeling of positivity toward each and every one of our precious children.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus

Friday, October 15, 2021

Happy & Healthy Souls -Lech Lecha

Happy & Healthy Souls
Parshat Lech Lecha

In this week's parshah, we read of our forefather Avram going to war. To understand why, there's some information you need to know. A civil war broke out between the nine ruling kings in that area. Five of those kings were under the rule of the four more powerful kings, led by Nimrod. These vassal kings revolted, but lost the war and were taken captive. Lot, Avram's nephew who lived in that region, was taken captive by the more powerful forces. Avram went to battle these four kings and free his nephew.

After Avram is victorious, he visits Malki-Tzedek, King of Shalem (Jerusalem), who was a Kohen, (priest) and gives him ten percent of everything he had. This is the first reference to giving tithes (Ma'aser) of our earnings. Seeing his generous gift, the king of Sodom (one of the vassal kings rescued by Avram), says (Bereishit  14:21), "Give me the people and take the possessions for yourself". Avram's response is, "I lift up my hand to Hashem, G-d, the Most High, Maker of heaven and earth, if so much as a string to a shoe-strap; or if I shall take from anything of yours!"

On the surface, Avram refuses to take anything of the spoils of war, because he does not want the king of Sodom or others to claim that he became rich off misfortunes. He therefore vows that he wouldn't take a thing. The Talmud (Tractate Sota 17a) tells us, "As a reward for Avram refusing the king's offer with words "from a string to a shoestrap" his children were rewarded with the Mitzvot of Tzizit (with strings) and Teffilin (with straps)". 

According to the Kabbalah and the writings of Chassidus, there is something even more profound going on here. There is a constant battle between the forces of Kedusha  (holiness) and Kelipa (unholiness). Avram represents Kedusha and the king of Sodom represents Kelipa. The forces of Kelipa tell Avram "תן לי הנפש - Give me the souls". The Kedusha responds, I will not let you take control of these precious souls. You keep to your physical and material pleasures and I will keep to the spiritual and souls. 

Perhaps the educational lesson that we can learn from this deeper explanation is the follows. So often, we get carried away with educational accoutrements, i.e., the plush trappings, fancy classrooms, nice websites and shiny team uniforms. In this process of running after these material things, we lose focus of what is truly important - the soul of education - that children should be safe, happy and inspired. Maybe Avram was saying that we shouldn't get lost in all the hoopla, we shouldn't get carried away with those things that are not important. Rather, remember to focus on the Neshama-the soul of Jewish education and raise happy, healthy and confident children.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Y. Marrus 


Wednesday, October 6, 2021


Expectations
Parshat Noach


In this week's Torah portion of Noach we read of the devastating flood that destroyed all of the earth and animals. The only ones saved were Noach, his wife Na'ama, their three sons Shem, Cham and Yafet and their spouses. Of course, two animals of each species and seven of the kosher animals were also brought onto the ark.

The Torah introduces Noach by stating (Bereishit 6:9) "  אלא תולדות נח, נח איש צדיק היה בדורותיו  - And these are the offspring of Noach-Noach was a Tzadik (a righteous man) in his generations".

Noach has the unique distinction of being just about the only human being ever called a Tzadik in the Torah, and yet our sages profoundly disagree on his level of righteousness. Rashi (France 1040-1105 France) brings the famous Midrash Tanchuma which says "Some rabbis praised Noach, saying that he was truly righteous and had he lived in the generation of Avraham, he would have been even more righteous. Other rabbis denigrated Noach saying, he was only righteous in his generation, because everyone else was wicked, but had he lived in Avraham's generation he would have been considered just average".

The obvious question is, why can't we just let it be? Why can't we be happy for Noach and his accomplishments? Why tarnish his reputation, especially if the Torah refers to him by the special adjective - a Tzadik?!

Many commentaries explain that Noach is held to task for not advocating for his generation and pleading for their redemption and forgiveness. Both Avraham and Moshe were told that others will perish and they both advocate and plead with Hashem to spare the sinners. For this reason, Noach is seen negatively, as he should have done more to help those around him.

Rabbi Eliyahu Kitov (Israel 1912-1976) explains in his Sefer Haparshiyos that each generation must be judged by its own generation and time. It would be simply unfair to judge people based on another time, place and circumstance.

Perhaps there is a deeper lesson for us in how we view our children. Too often, we judge our children based on the accomplishments of their peers, siblings and our own reality. We essentially are judging them, not in the "generation" they live in, but based on others expectations, standards and social norms. Perhaps the Torah is sharing with us that every child must be evaluated based on their own reality, abilities and challenges.

This is then the meaning of " בדורותיו - in his generations". Yes, maybe compared to others, Noach was diminished, but based on his generation, his reality and circumstance, and his challenges, he was indeed a wonderful Tzadik.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

Friday, October 1, 2021

Parshat Bereishit
Owning our Mistakes

Of all the stories of the Torah, one of the most heartbreaking is that of Cain and Abel. It is the story of the first murder of a human being. 

In this first Parshah of the entire Torah, we are told how Adam and Chava (Eve) gave birth to two sons Kayin (Cain) and Hevel (Abel). Hevel became a shepherd while Kayin became a farmer. Kayin brought an offering to Hashem from the fruit of the ground, while Hevel brought an offering from the choicest of his flock. Hashem responds to Hevel's offering, but not to Kayin's. As a result, Kayin became upset and despondent. Hashem comes to Kayin and tells him something remarkable (Bereishit 1:7), "Surely, if you improve yourself, you will be forgiven. But if you do not improve yourself, sin rests at the door. Its desire is toward you, yet you can conquer it".

According to our sages (Radak, Ibn Ezra, Ramban and others) Kayin's offering was not accepted because it was not offered with a full heart and proper intention. Hashem was now therefore telling Kayin, if you offer repentance and take responsibility for your shortcomings, you will be forgiven. But if you do not repent and take responsibility, sin will always be at your door and you will be a slave to it. 

According to the Kabbalah, Kayin's offering was centered on himself-he wanted blessings and more physical things. He figured he could "buy" Hashem's blessings with an offering. Hevel on the other hand did not even think of a material offering to Hashem, as he viewed everything he had as belonging to G-d. However, when he saw his brother make an offering, he did so too, offering the very best of his possessions. 

Unfortunately, Kayin did not take responsibility for his shortcomings. Instead, he blamed his brother for his shortcomings, and then killed him. The rest is history. This sad story and these verses in the Torah teach us an incredible lesson about human psychology and the possibility of Teshuvah and change. 

We all make mistakes. That is inevitable. But Hashem was telling Kayin, "take responsibility for your mistakes". Recognize that it is YOUR mistake and do not blame others. If you do so, you will be set free, but if you refuse, you will continue to be shackled by your own failings.

Our children are meant to make mistakes. We are meant to make mistakes. That's how all human beings are created and it is ok. We make errors, learn from our mistakes, and hopefully, learn not to repeat them. The key is however, to take responsibility and recognize that the only way we can grow from our mistakes is by owning them and understanding what we did wrong. The Torah is giving us this fundamental educational principle for ourselves and our children, in the first portion of the entire Torah.

If we want to lead an uplifting life of spiritual and emotional growth, if we want to raise moral and functional children and students, we need to learn to own our mistakes and learn from them. If however, we blame others, we will be stuck.


Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus


Monday, September 20, 2021

Parenting with the Four Species - Sukkot



Parenting with the Four Species
Chag Ha'Sukkot 

What type of parent are you? Are you a an Etrog or Lulav parent? Or perhaps, is your parenting style more alike the Haddas or the  Aravah?

On of the beautiful and special Mitzvot of Sukkot is the commandment of Arba Minim-the Four Species. The Torah (Vayikra 23:40 ) commands us to take the 4 Species- The Etrog (citrus), Lulav (palm frond), Haddas (Myrtle branch) and Aravah (willow) and make a blessings on them during the festival of Sukkot. The sages in the Talmud give multiple reasons for this Mitzvah.

The Sefer Habahir (R. Nechunya Ben Hakanah, Israel, 1st century) explains this Mitzvah based on the teachings of the Kabbalah. It describes the four species as four parts of a human being: The Esrog represents the heart, the seat of our emotions. The Hadas (myrtle) has leaves shaped like an eye. The Lulav (date palm) represents the spine, from where our actions emanate. The Aravah (willow) represents the lips, our speech.

The four species must be taken together as a unit. So too, to achieve happiness, one must use all of his/her  faculties in unison. You cannot say one thing and feel another. We must unify our feelings, our actions, our speech and our outlook. With all of these working together, we are well on the path to self-esteem, tranquility and joy.

Perhaps, we can find a lesson in parenting as well in this commandment.

The Esrog/Heart represents a parenting style of high emotions. The Lulav/Spine represents the parenting style of rigidity and unbending values. The Hadass/Eyes represent the parent who looks at everything with a spiritual outlook. And finally, the Aravah/mouth represents the very down-to-earth, physically involved parenting style.

Perhaps, the message of the Arba Minim is, that each one of these parenting style alone does not bode well for the child. It is a synthesis and blend of all of these, that are needed to raise a mindful, healthy, functional and spiritual style. We need the spiritual outlook balanced by the practical, the rigidity and structure must be tempered by the heart and emotions. Truly, e
ach one of the Arba Minim compliments the other.

Chag Sukkot Sameach!
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

Friday, September 17, 2021

The Art of Listening-Ha'azinu

The Art of Listening
Parshat Ha'azinu


 We hear sounds, noises and words. Seems like one of the most basic human functions. But are we really listening?

This week's Parsha Ha'azinu is named after the special song of Moshe Rabbeinu. It is a song that recounts Jewish history from the beginning of time, foretells the future, and according to our sages, has everything contained in it. 

The verse begins with the words (Devarim 32:1) " האזינו השמים ואדברה ותשמע הארץ אמני פי - Give ear, O heavens and I will speak, and may the earth hear the words of my mouth".

Rashi (France 1040-1105) explains that Moshe calls on the heavens and the earth to be his witnesses, as he begins to foretell both the good and bad that will befall the Jewish people throughout history. The heavens and the earth that have been around since the creation of the world, are the appropriate witnesses to this expansiveness of time.

But if we pay closer attention to the words, we find something remarkable. Moshe says "Give ear, O heavens... and may the earth hear the words of my mouth". Many years later the great prophet Isaiah utters a similar prophecy when he says (Isaiah 1:2) " שמעו שמים והאזיני ארץ-Give ear, O earth, and hear O heavens". The Midrash Tanchuma explains that all the prophets were equal as we see the words of the prophecy reverberate throughout history (Moshe and Isaiah lived some 700+ years apart).

Rabbi Akiva explained that when Moses uttered the Torah, he was in the heavens, and that he speaks with the heavens like one who is speaking with his friend, since he said: GIVE EAR, O HEAVENS. But when he saw that the earth was far from him, he said: LET THE EARTH HEAR THE WORDS OF MY MOUTH. In the case of Isaiah, however, because he was on earth, he said: HEAR, O HEAVENS, [since they were] far from him. After that he said: AND GIVE EAR, O EARTH, because it was near to him.

The word Ha'azinu comes from the word "אזן -Ear", hence the meaning, to listen or hear. In the Yiddish language the word to listen is "Heren" but to comprehend and really understand is "Derheren". In other words, there is a fundamental difference between hearing and comprehending/understanding.

As parents and educators, we are always hearing words, sentences, complaints, kvetching and more. But, are we really comprehending and understanding what the child is saying or unable to say? So often, the real issue is not what a child is saying or doing but the deeper issue that is behind it.

Moshe Rabbeinu
encourages us to really listen and comprehend our children and other people. Thus, not only do we listen to the blessings of Ha'azinu but we truly connect and comprehend to the depths of our souls.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

Friday, September 10, 2021

Quality Time - Vayelech

Quality Time
Parshat Vayelech


This week's  portion of Vayelech opens with the narrative of Moshe taking leave of the Jewish people. The Torah tells us (Devarim 31:1-2) "Moshe went and spoke these words to all of Israel. I am a hundred and twenty years old today, I can no longer go out and come in, for Hashem has said to me "You shall not cross this Jordan".

The Ramban (Nachmanides 1194-1270 Spain/Israel) explains that after sealing the special Brit (covenant) with the Jewish people (in last week's portion), Moshe visited each tribe in their own encampment and said goodbye and blessed them. Additionally, Moshe Rabbeinu gave each tribe a special gift.

The Midrash (Devraim Rabbah 9:4) tells us that prior to his death, Moshe wrote 13 Torah scrolls. Twelve of these were distributed to each of the Twelve Tribes. The thirteenth was placed in the Ark of the Covenant (with the stone Tablets). If anyone would come and attempt to rewrite or falsify the Torah, the one in the Ark would "testify" against him. 

How touching that in his final moments of life, Moshe not only personally visited each and every tribe, but also presented them with a memento, a personal gift to be cherished for all time.

The portion of Vayelech is always read in close proximity to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, also known as the High Holiday season. This special time of the year is extremely busy, financially overwhelming, and stressful for many. The holidays are also simply physically exhausting. For the children of Klei Kodesh (those who care for the community i.e., rabbis, rebbitzins, cantors etc.), this time of the year is high-season is particularly overwhelming. For so many people, this most spiritual and uplifting time of the year can become the Low-Holiday season instead of the High-Holiday season which it is. 

Hence the question, how do we make the holidays not only meaningful, but also warm, delightful and a positive and loving experience for our children? How do we make sure that our children feel valued, loved and relevant during this busy month of the Chagim?

Perhaps we can take a lesson from our great teacher Moshe. On the last day of his life he made it a priority to carve out some personal time for each and every one of the Shevatim (tribes). He spent quality time and even gave them a personal gift. Imagine of we were to make it our
priority to carve out some personal and quality time with each of our children and maybe even give them a special Yom Tov gift! It would create positive feelings of love and happiness in this busy time of the year. 


Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

Thursday, September 2, 2021

This Too Shall Pass - Netzavim-Rosh Hashanah

This Too Shall Pass
Parshas Netzavim-Rosh Hashanah

This week's Parshah opens with the words "אתם נצבים היום כולכם - Atem Netzavim Hayom Kulchem-You all stand here today" (Devarim 29:9). The Jewish people had gathered to listen to Moshe's last words and blessings and renew the Covenant with G-d..

Our sages tell us that the word Hayom in our verse is a reference to Rosh Hashanah, as our liturgy tells us "Hayom Haras Olam-today is the creation of man" (Rosh Hashanah Prayers). It is for this reason that the portion of Netzavim is always read in close proximity to Rosh Hashanah.

Of all the traditions of this holiday, the most important is the Shofar, as our sages tell us Mitzvas Hayom B'Shofar - the Mitzvah of the day is the Shofar. We are enjoined to listen to the sounds of the Shofar as we coronate Hashem as king over the universe, yet once again.

The sages in the Mishnah and Talmud tell us that the minimum size of a Shofar must be able to be held in the hand and a bit must protrude on the narrow end, and a bit must also protrude on the wide end. The narrow end represents constraints and difficulty, while the wide end represents expansiveness and openness, as the verse states (Tehhilim 118:5) Min Hameitzar Karasi Ya-h - from the straits I call out unto G-d".

The Ben Ish Chai (1835-1909 Baghdad, Iraq) explains, that the Shofar must protrude on both sides so we can always remember that when we are in a time of constraints (the narrow end), good times are yet to come. Conversely, when we are in times of expansiveness and goodness, we should not forget the difficult times and remain humble and grateful. 

Similarly, the sounds of the Shofar include the Tekiah (long blast), Shevarim (three shorter blasts), and the Teruahin (nine even shorter blasts). The Tekiah is associated with strength and positivity while the Shevarim and Teruah are associated with brokenness and sadness. When blowing the Shofar the
Tekiah
must always be separate from the Shevarim and Teruah, as one represents happiness and expansiveness and the other sadness and constraints. While the different sounds of the Shofar seem so diametrically opposed to each other, they actually compliment each other in a beautiful way. 

The Ben Ish Chai further explains this beautifully by means of a story. A man once had a ring made specially for him. On the ring he had inscribed the words "this too shall pass". If he were in trouble and pain, he would look at his ring and remember that good times would be around the corner. When he was in a state of happiness and jubilation, he would look at his ring and remember to be humble and grateful for what he had, as it could all be gone in a moment. The ring reminded him to put everything into perspective and live a humble and G-d fearing life.

The dual message of the Shofar (both the length and sounds) is about humility and perspective. We listen to the shofar, like the man that looked at the ring and remind ourselves "This too Shall pass". We remind ourselves to be grateful for our blessings and stay humble. And when times are difficult, we remind ourselves that tomorrow will be better.

May Hashem bless us all with a Ksiva Vchasima Tova- a happy, healthy and sweet new year with only revealed blessings and goodness.

Rabbi Y. Marrus


Friday, August 27, 2021

Blessings Galore - Ki Tavo

Parshat Ki Tavo
Blessings Galore


This week's Torah portion of Ki Tavo is most well known for the Tochecha - the verses of admonition. These frightful verses of admonition or curses, are read twice yearly, prior to Rosh Hashanah and prior to Shavuot. The theme of this reading is, what will happen if we do not listen to Hashem's commandments and turn our backs on His holy Torah. Unfortunately, history has shown that we have endured these many negative challenges throughout our history (see Ramban's explanation of the Tochecha).

Just prior to the Tochecha however, there are a number of moving and beautiful verses describing the amazing blessings we will receive if we do follow Hashem's word and commandments. The Torah states (Devarim 28:2) "ובאו עליך כל הברכות האלא והשיגך - All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you"

The simple meaning of this verse is, that the blessings will be so great that they will overwhelm us. According to the Seforno (Italy 1470-1550), even when we make no effort to receive these blessings or it defies logic, these amazing blessings will continue to be showered upon us. The Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh (Morocco/Israel 1696-1743) explains that even if the Heavenly Court may protest these extravagant blessings as the Jewish people may not be entirely worthy, nonetheless, nothing will prevent these blessings from coming to fruition.

Perhaps, there is an added message in these words "והשיגך - will come over you and overtake you". 

Often, we are so busy with life and all its stresses that we simply are not able to focus on all the blessings we already have. We are so focused on what we don't have that we don't take the time to be grateful and celebrate all that G-d has graced us with. The lesson here is, that Hashem will not only bless us, but give us the clarity and spiritual maturity to be grateful and celebrate all the incredible blessings already in our lives.

A story is told of Rabbi Dovber Schneuri of Lubavitch (Russia 1773-1827) in his youth. On one occasion, he fainted when he heard the verse of the Tochecha (in this week's parshah) and remained ill for weeks. The harsh words were too much for his delicate and sensitive soul. When asked why he had not reacted so strongly to the Tochecha in the past, he replied: “In the past I heard the reading from my father. And when my father reads them, I hear only blessings…”

According to the Kabbalah the greatest blessinsg are hidden within these verses of the Tochecha. If there are great blessings in what outwardly seems so negative, how much more so there are incredible blessings in every aspect of our lives. We just need to discern and celebrate them.


Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 



Friday, August 20, 2021

A Rebellious Child? - Ki Teizei

A Rebellious Child?
Parshat Ki Teizei


In this week's Torah portion we read one of the most disturbing and difficult passages of the Torah. It is the topic of the Wayward and Rebellious Son. 

The Torah states (Devarim: 21: 18-21) "If a man will have a wayward and rebellious son, who does not hearken to the voice of his father and mother, and they discipline him, but he does not hearken to them". The Torah continues to tell us that the parents must bring this child to the elders of the city and make a declaration of how terrible and rebellious this child is (a glutton and drunkard etc.). The punishment is that he will be stoned, "you shall remove the evil from your midst; and all Israel shall hear and they shall fear".

What a disturbing reading! Is any child/adolescent that bad, that they should be stoned? How can the Torah even contemplate such a cruel thing? What is the point of this commandment of the Ben Sorrer Umoreh - the Rebellious Son?

The Talmud (Tractate Sanhedrin 71-72) discusses this passage at length, and provides some critical insight. Firstly, the penalty imposed on this youngster is not because of the gravity of what he did, but of the monstrous human being he will become. Second, according to this very same passage in the Talmud a "Ben Sorer Umoreh" has never happened, nor will it happen. What then is the point of reading about a concept that never happened, nor will happen?

Our sages see in this reading so many lessons about education and how we should approach guiding our children in the proper path of life. As such, we can look at this topic as a prediction of what happens when we do not approach things properly. 

For example, if a child is not listening to his parents and authority and doing bad things, what will happen to them if they are not admonished and set on a proper path? What happens if both parents are not on the same page when it comes to discipline and guiding their child? What happens when there is no consistency in how we raise our children?

Perhaps, we can also recognize that sometimes we must change what we are doing. A child who is not responding to his parents and authority needs a different approach. Clearly, the warning, screaming and even threatening is not working. We need to try a different approach.

It is also telling when the Torah uses the term "our son is a glutton and drunkard" (21:21). When someone is in a state of confusion, not-self aware, and behaves in a s self-absorbed manner, they are very similar to someone who is drunk, who is stumbling around with no sense of reality or decency. 

Perhaps, we need to reinterpret the narrative of these verses and read them as follows. If you see a child who is acting out, refusing to listen to authority figures, and acts with no sense of self-respect and decency, SOUND THE ALARM! Do not let them become a wayward and rebellious child. Get them help NOW!

We are blessed to live in an era where mental health has become readily accessible and socially acceptable. It is not that long ago when speaking to a psychologist or therapist was deemed quacky. Today, thank G-d, we know so much better. The mental health professionals in our communities are providing life-saving treatment, and helping our children become healthy, productive and spiritual children. They are a gift and we must work together, parents/teachers/mental health providers, to raise our children in the most healthy and positive manner. 

We indeed have the power to make sure that no child ever becomes a Ben Sorrer Umoreh. We just have to be willing to not fool ourselves and ask for help or intervention when we see it is necessary.

May Hashem help us be the best parents and educators we can be.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus


Friday, August 13, 2021

Wasted Talents - Parshat Shoftim

Wasted Talents
Parshat Shoftim

In this week's Torah portion we read a plethora of different Mitzvot ranging from false prophets to unsolved murder cases. The overall arching theme of the Parshah is the establishment of a judicial system and the responsibility that the leaders of the community carry.

In our portion the Torah states (Devarim 20:19-20) When you besiege a city for many days to wage war against to seize it, do not destroy its trees by swinging an axe against them, for from it you will eat, and you shall not cut it down; is the tree of the field a man that it should enter the siege before you? Only a tree that you know is not a food tree, it you may destroy and cut down". 

This commandment is known by its Hebrew term Bal Tashchit, which means wasting or destroying. In the midst of a chapter dealing with the laws of war, the Torah tells us about being careful not to destroy fruit trees, or unnecessarily break or destroy things around us. It is essentially teaching us that even in the fog war, we must do everything in our power to maintain our dignity and humanity and be sensitive even to vegetation, how much more so human life. The Maharal (Rabbi Yehuda Loew of Prague 1520-1609) further explains that just as trees grow branches and fruit, so too, we as human beings, must grow and be productive in our moral, intellectual and spiritual path in life.

This Mitzvah is expanded to include non wartime as well, and we are enjoined to not waste food, destroy property, tear or ruin clothing etc. 

Perhaps, we can see in this Mitzvah another dimension as well. Often, teachers and parents have a vision of what they want their child or student to accomplish. We have a set of expectations, goals and even a plan for our children. The problem is that sometimes these expectations or goals are not only unrealistic but downright harmful. As our children grow we become aware of their own positive and negative personality traits, idiosyncrasies,  trigger points, and challenges. We also become aware of their G-d given gifts and abilities which may range from art, music, athletics to a brilliant Talmudic-legal mind. 

Bal Tashchit is not just about wasting resources or destroying property. It is also about not celebrating the gifts that G-d has given us and our children. Every human being is unique and blessed with individual talents and capabilities. Sometimes, we need to pivot and shift our expectations and goals and make sure that they are embracing and celebrating the personality and G-d given talents of any particular child or human being. There is a beautiful saying attributed to Rabbi Zush of Anipoli (1718-1800 Ukraine) "After 120 when I come up to Hashem, I am not worried if I will be asked, why weren't you like Moses or Solomon because I will respond I wasn't created like them with their talents and capabilities. But what I am afraid about is when they will ask me why weren't you like all Zushe could have been".

Let us celebrate the uniqueness, talents and beauty of each and every one of our children and not fall prey to the sin of Bal Tashchit of Wasted Talents.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 


Thursday, August 5, 2021

Experiential Learning - Re'eh

Experiential Learning
Parshat Re'eh

"Tell me, and I forget. Teach me, and I remember. Involve me, and I learn." Benjamin Franklin

In this week's Torah portion of Re'eh, our great leader and teacher Moshe, continues his narrative to the Jewish people. This last will and testament of sorts, spans the majority of multiple portions of Devarim (Deuteronomy), concluding with Moshe's death and the ascension of Joshua as the new leader. The theme is quite direct and on point. Stay focused, stay connected, and listen to Hashem's word. Seems simple enough, yet as history has proven, not that simple after all.

So often, when we want to impart information or values to our children, we try and communicate verbally. We explain, speak, reason, and sometimes even scream, in our efforts to get the point across. After all, we feel the responsibility and necessity to impart this knowledge or important information to our children. Hence, the urgency and frustration, especially if we don't think the message is being received.

But is there an easier and more impactful way to impart information and critical lessons?

In the second reading of our portion the Torah states (Devarim: 12:28) Shemor V'Shamata - Safeguard and hearken to all these words that I command you, in order that it be well with you and your children after you forever, when you do what is good and right in the eyes of Hashem your G-d".

It seems strange that the Torah uses a double verb "Shemor-safeguard" and "V'Shamarta-Hearken". Usually, a double verb is meant for emphasis as it is here as well. But there is more. According to the commentary Rashi (France 1040-1105), Moshe is teaching us the secret to spiritual fulfillment, accomplishment and education. The first step is "safeguard" which means that what we study or experience must become part of who we are. The information cannot remain on paper, rather, it must become part of our experience. The second step is "hearken". Once the information has become your own reality and part of who you are, then one can and will perform the Mitzvot in a beautiful and meaningful way and never stray from it. Personal experience and connection equals commitment.

Having just returned from leading another Taglit-Birthright trip to Israel for young Jews ages 18-22, I can attest to this very idea. One simply cannot compare studying about Israel and the Torah in a book, to experiencing the land of Israel in real time. The smells, scenery, topography, history and spirituality, becomes part of one's personal experience. As one walks the earth of our homeland, touches the ancient ruins of the city of David, or rides a donkey through the valleys of the Galilee, the history and experience becomes real and relevant.

Perhaps, Moshe was trying to impress on us that the secret to engaged and dedicated Jews is not how many books or lectures one might amass, but rather, the personal experience that will keep us lifelong engaged Jews.

“Educate the child according to his way, then when he ages he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6) is what King Solomon wrote, and how right he was.

Shabbat Shalom,

Friday, June 25, 2021

Engrained Values-Balak

 


Engrained Values
Parshat Balak

Of all the stories of the Torah, one of the most beautiful and inspiring is that of this week's Parshah, the story of Balak and Bilaam. The Torah tells us how Balak was the king of Moav and had a deep rooted hatred for the Jewish people. When the kingdoms of Sichon and Og fell to the Jews, he was convinced that he had to do something to protect himself from the Jewish advance. After inquiring about what was the special strength of the Jewish leader Moshe, he was told "his power is in the words of his mouth". Hence, he hired Bilaam, the famous non-Jewish prophet to come and curse the Jews.

Notwithstanding G-d's instruction to Bilaam that he would only be allowed to speak the words that G-d would place in his mouth, Bilaam hoped for an opportunity to curse and cause irreparable damage. In an extraordinary turn of events, G-d places blessings in Bilaam's mouth and he is forced to bless the Jewish people, not once, but three separate times.

The most famous of these blessings is the third one. The Torah tells us (Bamidbar 24:5)
Ma Tovu Ohalecha Yakov Mishkenotecha Yisrael - How goodly are your tents, O Yackov, your dwelling places, O Israel".


The commentaries (Sanhedrin 105) give multiple explanations of these beautiful words, including how they refer to the study of Torah of both laypeople (Ohalecha), those that periodically study Torah, and the scholars who are constantly studying Torah (Mishkenotecha).

Rashi
commentary brings the Midrashic explanation that when Bilaam saw the dwellings of the Jewish people he was moved. Even though there were so many families and tents in the Jewish camp, each tent was set up in a way that faced away from the other tent's entrance to afford privacy and Tzniyut. This quality of modesty and sensitivity to each other was what touched the wicked man Bilaam.


Our sages tell us in the Talmud (Yevamos 79a) that "the Jewish people are blessed with three innate engrained qualities. They are Bishanim-bashful (modest), Rachmanim-compassionate, and Gomlei Chasadim-do acts of kindness". These three qualities are something that has been at the forefront of Jewish education by parents and teachers, since the beginning of our people. They define us as Jews.

It is quite remarkable that of all the qualities that the Jewish people have, including prayer, dedication, belief and trust in G-d, Bilaam was most touched by the Modesty portrayed by the Jewish encampment. 

Often, we focus so much on the education of our children, their erudition, scholarship, grades etc. extra curricular activities etc. and forget about the fundamental Middot (Character traits) that we must instill in them from a young age. These Middot become second nature and part and parcel of who they are and will be. While all the other educational aspects are extremely important, it is the fundamentals that truly shape us into who we are. For the Jewish people and their encampment, modesty wasn't something they "were doing", but rather, part of their internal make-up. Living in a modest and respectful way was just who they were. This greatly inspired the wicked Bilaam.

Perhaps, the lesson we can derive is always to remember that engraining within our children the fundamental Middot and behaviors, truly does become second nature to them, and will shape who they will become.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

Thursday, June 24, 2021

Stare Down the Snake - Chukat

Stare Down the Snake
Parshat Chukat


In this week's Parshah we read of a most interesting episode, the Copper Snake. The Torah tells us how the Jewish people once again complained, this time about why they were taken out of Egypt, the heavenly manna and more. G-d's response is severe "Hashem sent the fiery serpents against the people and the bit the people. A large multitude of Israel died" (Bamidbar 21:6).

Now the Jewish people wake up and come crying to Moshe saying "Pray to Hashem that He remove the serpent". So Hashem commands Moshe "Make yourself a fiery serpent and place it on a pole, and it will be that anyone who was bitten will look at it and live". So Moshe made made a serpent of copper. 

At first glance this story seems like a tit for tat episode. The Jewish people sinned, they are punished. They repent and then Moshe comes to the rescue.

But then there is the snake. What's the deal? Why a snake and what does it teach us?

Rashi explains that this punishment was Midah Kneged Midah-measure for measure; their tongues spewed venom so they were punished with the snake's venom. The Talmud (Rosh Hashanah 29a) explains "Does a serpent cause death or life? Rather when they looked upward and subjected their hearts to their Father in Heaven they were healed, if not, they died"

Additionally, our sages tell us that it was Moshe that chose to make the snake out of copper as the Hebrew word for Snake-Nachash is the same letters as the Nechoshet, the Hebrew word for copper. The source of their destruction was the source of their healing (Rambam).

Very often in life we encounter challenging times. In raising our children, there are many nights when we shed tears, worry and wonder if we have done it all wrong and are a failure. How do we overcome these fears of being inadequate and power through the challenge?

The answer is the Nachash. We must realize that every challenge and trial comes from Hashem. Every precious child, with all their idiosyncrasies and personal tests come from Hashem. The answer lies in the very challenge we are facing. When we realize that the challenge is meant to strengthen us and help us grow the challenge itself becomes the stepping stone for growth. 

We must be able to "look at the snake" pear closely at our challenges and trials, and realize that it does not have a life of its own, rather it is something from Hashem sent to help us grow.

When we are brave enough to stare down the snake, we can transform the elixir of death into an elixir of life and growth.

Shabbat Shalom.

Friday, June 11, 2021

The Art of Happiness - Korach

The Art of Happiness
Parshat Korach

This week's Torah portion discusses the uprising and rebellion against Moshe Rabbeinu's leadership by a well-known and influential individual named Korach. 

Korach was a well respected Levite and a first cousin of Moshe's. He was a very smart and learned person (Pikach), and also a very wealthy individual. The sages in the Talmud (Pesachim 119a) tell us that Korach was of the three wealthiest people ever to live. The heart of Korach's argument was the age-old accusation of nepotism. He accused Moshe of taking all the leadership and power for himself and his brother Aharon (the high priest). He also suggested that as all Jews heard the Ten Commandments directly from G-d at Sinai, there was no need for rabbis or leadership, as all Jews were essentially the same. Korach believed in the power of the individual, though like communism, he wanted to be a bit higher up "of all the same people".

Korach's end was downright frightful as the Torah tells us  "The earth opened its mouth and swallowed them and their households, and all the people who were with them, and all their wealth" (Bamidbar 15:32). Korach was following his own thought and logic, while Moshe was doing what he had been commanded by G-d. 

This enigmatic story leaves much to the imagination, as well as some fundamental questions. Firstly, how could such a well-respected, learned and powerful person make such a terrible mistake? Secondly,  didn't Korach have a point after all? We are a holy people and we all have a direct connection to G-d, why the need for a hierarchy?

The Individual vs Communal 

Judaism does not suggest that we need to be a 100% "individual centered" society or a 100% "communal driven" society. Rather, it is a blend and balance of both. There must be the individual (Yachid) and the power of individuality, balanced by the needs of the community and communal responsibility (Klal). We must have a system of checks and balances and teachers and leaders, but we most also not forget the power of the individual.

This was Korach's first mistake. He believed that it was all about the individual, with no consideration, at all for the community or others. Unchecked capitalism with no Chesed or compassion, is the way of Sedom.

Korach however made another huge mistake. He was not happy with his lot. He was extremely wealthy. He was learned. He had a good education. He had a beautiful family and his children were powerful and respected. He was Levite of the highest order and served in the Mishkan, yet he could not be happy because he wanted more. He wanted that which he could not have. This brought about his downfall.

Ben Zoma tells us  "Eizehu Ashir Hamesameach Bechelko-Who is rich? he who is happy with his lot" (Avot: 4:1). In other words, the key to happiness and fulfillment, is being happy and content with blessings Hashem has given us. 

To often, we not only focus, but become completely fixated on that which we do not have. We become completely engrossed by our children's faults and failures, instead of focusing on all the blessings and goodness. We become like Korach, not happy with all the wealth in the world, not happy with all the honor, not happy with a beautiful family. All we can see is that which we don't have.

This week we marked the 29th Yahrtzeit of my dear Rebbe, teacher and mentor, the Lubavitcher Rebbe of blessed memory. Perhaps more than anything else, the Rebbe always pushed, encouraged everyone he met, (Jew and non-Jew, adult and child) to live a more wholesome and G-d driven life. The Rebbe challenged each of us to see the good in ourselves and others, even when so many others see only bad.

The Rebbe inspired and continues to inspire millions because he made you feel that while you "the Yachid" were an individual and had a specific task to complete, you were part of the "the Klal" - the glorious nation of Israel. Often, the Rebbe would remind us all how lucky we are and how grateful we ought to be for the tremendous blessings with which Hashem has blessed us.

If you want to be happy, don't be like Korach. Celebrate your blessings.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus

Friday, June 4, 2021

Letting Go - Shelach


Letting Go
Parshat Shelach


This week's portion of Shelach discusses one of the most disastrous episodes in Jewish history. In a nutshell, Moshe sends spies to scout out the Land of Israel. They return with a plot to convince the Jews that the land is terrible and that they cannot conquer it. The very same leaders who were chosen to lead the people, end up dragging the people into a horrible disaster. The story and the subsequent consequences of the Meraglim (Spies), has significant consequences for the Jewish people. As the Torah tells us, "Yom L'Shana- one year for every day", the Jews would spend forty years in the wilderness, to atone for the forty days the spies spent traveling through Israel and plotting their evil scheme.

There are many explanations as to what was the motivation of the Mergalim and what they hoped to achieve. I would like however to focus on the opening statement of the Parshah "And Hashem spoke to Moshe saying. Send for yourself men to spy out the land of Canaan". The obvious question is, why does G-d tell Moshe "Send for yourself spies"? Who's idea was this, Moshe's or Hashem's?

Rashi commentary (France 1040-1105) explains that this was Moshe's idea, not G-ds. According to the Midrash Tanchuma, the Jews approached Moshe and asked to send spies to scout out the land. Moshe did not want to tell them no, as this would seem like he had something to hide, so he acquiesced to their request. G-d however, did ultimately sign off on this idea and gave Moshe the permission to send the spies, which leaves so many questions unanswered! Why would G-d give permission to Moshe, if G-d knows/knew the outcome of this ill conceived idea? This is the basic idea in Chakira- Jewish Thought & Theology Hashgacha Protis - Divine Intention, that Hashem knows everything, and everything in the universe happens for a specific reason, by G-d's plan and design. Why then are the Jewish people allowed to stumble so severely? Why didn't G-d save them/us so much heartache and failure?

The commentaries discuss these questions quite deeply. Let us however focus on the foundation of these questions, why did Hashem give Moshe permission if He knew the negative outcome?

This time of year is full of ceremonies and graduations. We watch our children and students graduate preschool, kindergarten, elementary and high school, college, yeshiva and grad school. It is a Nachas and joy to watch the student/s complete their course of learning and matriculate to the next level of study and/or life. It is a time of balloons, selfies and graduation gifts and smiles and tears of joy.

While the parents are all smiles and beaming, an honest parent will also tell you how petrified they are. As parents, we are scared of what the unknown brings. We are worried for our child if they will succeed in the next stage of life. These worries range from the silly and petty things to the real big questions and worries. Will they know how to do their laundry? Will he/she have friends? Will they be successful in high school? Will they make good friends and stay away from bad things in college? Will they be able to find a job and get their life together in the real world? Will they experiment with bad things? Will they find a suitable mate in life? Will they be able to be self-sufficient? Will they seek my guidance and council now that they are grown? 

These are all real and emotional questions, that keep us up at night. And yet, we know at the core of our beings that in order for our children to succeed we need to let go. We need to let them walk on their own two feet and face the challenges of life. They need to experience challenge, hardship, uncertainty and success, in order to be successful in life. There comes the time when we just got to let go.

Perhaps Hashem was behaving as a parent and although worried and wanting to control the situation, He did let go (so to speak), and let us take our first steps. Yes, it did not bode well for us, and we stumbled pretty badly, but it was a lesson that we still study from today. Notwithstanding the worries and need we feel to exert control over our children's lives, the message of Shelach is really that we need to let go, and let our children experience life, with all its successes and failures.


Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus



Thursday, May 27, 2021

Educational Partners-Behalotecha


Educational Partners
Behalotecha



Summer is almost here! School will soon be out and students and staff alike will excitingly begin the summer break. After a full nine and a half months of school, everyone is ready for a more relaxed and stress-free schedule. An important question however is, what happens to the education of our children over the summer? Children are always learning, experiencing, and soaking up everything around them. By that token, if you divide the year into fractions, the students will be out for summer for 1/6th of year. That's a great deal of time to have no education! The summer months can be a time of growth, or it can go the other way G-d forbid.

In this weeks Parshah Behaalotecha, the Jewish people do something terribly wrong. They become "Misonanim" complainers. Rashi and other classic Chumash commentaries explain that the Jewish people were stuck in a mode of complaining, being ungrateful and more. The result of this behavior is that Hashem gets angry at them and they are punished. But what follows is perhaps even more telling. Moshe Rabbeinu has finally had it with them! He turns to Hashem and says (Bamidbar 11:11) "Why have You done evil to your servant; why have I not found favor in Your eyes, that You place the burden of this entire people upon me? Did I conceive this entire people... And if this is how You deal with me, then kill me now, if I have found favor in Your eyes". 

One can actually feel the pain and frustration in Moshe's voice. He is at his wits-end and cries out in frustration "I need some help!" Hashem's response to him is that He would provide him with support and help in the form of the Zekeinim (70 elders). These elders would stand by him and help him bear the burden of leadership. With some support, friendship, and assistance, Moshe is able to move forward and continue to lead the Jewish people.

Throughout the months of the school year, educators work terribly hard to engage, educate and inspire children. Sometimes, it can take weeks or months to have a breakthrough with a student and finally get him/her to a place and mindset of growth and learning. This year in particular, with children returning to school after being home for more than five months due to Covid-19, the social awkwardness of the children, their significant educational gaps and their learning mindset was very far from a educationally-focused positive growth mindset for many students. It has taken months of tedious and painstaking labor of love, to move the students slowly and surely to a good place, a place of healthy growth, learning and Torah. We are thank G-d finishing the year on a solid and positive footing.

And now, we turn to you dear parents and ask you to continue this growth and education. We implore you to continue to have your children read (in Hebrew and English) and grow. We encourage you to find modes of outdoor activities and fun, and not have the children spend hours upon hours of unsupervised screen and video game time. Together, if we support each other, we can work as a team, to make sure that "our children" are continuing to grow and develop in a healthy way throughout the summer. Let the summer-break be a time of family, adventure, fun, relaxation, and also a time of personal growth, responsibility, spirituality and love.

As in our Parshah, Moshe Rabbeinu and the Zekeinim partnered together to provide the best leadership possible for Am Yisrael. So too, we must join together and partner to provide the very best for our precious children.

I guess the African proverb "it takes a village to raise a child" says it all!

Shabbat Shalom and healthy, safe and educational summer.
Rabbi Y. Marrus

Friday, May 21, 2021

The Linchpin of Jewish Education-Nasso


The Linchpin of Jewish Education
Parshat Nasso 

This week's Torah portion discusses in great detail the service of the Levi'im (tribe of Levi) and the specific families of Gershon, Kehot and Merrari, as they performed their service in the Mishkan (tabernacle). The portion begins with the words "Nasso - Lift up the children of Gershon". 

Later on in this week's portion at the end of the Fourth Aliya, we read the beautiful priestly blessings that we bless our children with. The final stanza begins with the words "Yisa Hashem Panav-May Hashem lift His countenance towards you". Both Hebrew words Nasso and Yisa means to lift up, to inspire, and to empower.

The question is, how do we really inspire our children with life-long inspiration?

In the second book of the Tanya, the Gateway of Unity and Faith, Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi (Russia 1745-1813) begins this profound book with a section called "the education of a child". He quotes the well know verse from King Solomon's Proverbs (Mishlei 24:6) which states חנוך לנער על פי דרכו - Educate a child according to his/her own way, then even when they grow old, they will not depart with it". 

At the surface this passage seems to be telling us that when we differentiate education and teach the whole child, according to their own way, they will retain the teaching for the rest of their lives. The obvious question however is, Why wouldn't we want a child to grow and mature from their childness understanding and observance? Don't we want the child to mature and dig deeper, and develop a deeper and more sophisticated relationship with Hashem?

Rabbi Schneur Zalmen explains that in life, each and every one of us, including the Tzadik (righteous person) will have moments of doubt and despair. Notwithstanding our personal growth and successes we will all have moments of uncertainty. It is within these bleak moments that we need to dig deep and reconnect with our essence, our foundation. It is in these difficult moments that we need our Emunah (faith in G-d) and Bitachon (trust in G-d) to be absolutely rock solid. In these challenging times we go back to our foundation.

This then is the meaning of King Solomon's words, "Educate a child according to his/her way, then even when they grow old, they will not depart from it", in essence, he is telling us to make sure that the foundation we give our children is so well formed and solid, that it will be there for them throughout their lives.

The linchpin of a proper Jewish education is the foundation of Emunah (Faith), Bitachon (Trust) and Ahavat Hashem (Love of Hashem) that we instill and build for our children. It is these precious traits that will be there with them for the rest of their lives.


Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 


Friday, May 14, 2021

Alone in the Wilderness-Bamidbar

Alone in the Wilderness
Parshat Bamidbar

This week we begin a new Torah portion of Bamidbar. This fourth book of the Torah, delves into the experiences of the Jewish people throughout the 40 years that they spent in the wilderness. Although, the majority of the recorded history is from the first year and the final year, without much information on the middle 38 years, each episode and event teaches us great and important lessons.

The first Mitzvah in the portion is that of taking a census of the Jewish people. Rashi (France 1040-1105) offers the following reason "since G-d loves them, he therefore counts them frequently. When we left Egypt he counted them, when many fell at the sin of the Golden Calf he counted them, and when He was to place His providence on them, he counted them again".

The Hebrew word Bamidbar means "in the desert". The English name Numbers, is based on (1) the fact that the sages did call this book Chumash Hapekudim-the book of numbers (2) Numbers is derived from the Greek translation of the Septuagint (the Greek translation of the Torah in the 2nd and 3rd centuries).

While logically we can understand that this "book of counting" is called Numbers, the word Bamidbar "in the desert" has much relevance and importance.

People are not Numbers. 

There are billions of people in this world. The vast majority of them, we have and will never meet or know them. But the people that we do know, and are involved in our lives, can be for us the greatest joy and also the greatest source of heartache. 

Each individual is a world. Often, in the hustle and bustle of life we forget the uniqueness and importance of the individual.

During the summer I usually lead a Birthright trip to Israel with my wife. Of the many special, educational and exciting activities we do, one stands out. It takes place in the Negev desert. We take the group out in middle of the desert at night and have them look at the stars in the sky. The strong darkness is surprising. The sounds of the desert are eerie. The wind on your face tingles with the unknown. You feel alone and a bit unbalanced. Then, as we talk about our forefathers Abraham and Sarah, and G-d's promise to them that he would make their children great like stars of the heaven, we look upwards and see the majesty of the stars. You feel alone but also connected to your people, your history, and your land, Israel. You feel the power of the individual.

In the last weeks, we have faced some really challenging times. First the horrific tragedy in Meron, Israel and this week watching in horror as over 2000+ rockets were fired on Israeli civilians by Hamas. We feel so alone. Social media and news outlets continue to push a false narrative, lies about Israel and its people. We feel so small and insignificant. Who am I? What can I possibly do to help? Does anyone even care about us?

The lesson of Bamidbar is a resounding yes! As one realizes the greatness of the universe and the vastness of the desert, they will also realize that each and every one of us matters. G-d placed us here on earth to make a difference and contribute. When we appreciate the greatness of Hashem and His creations, and recognize that while we can not perhaps fix everything and understand everything, we do have the power to do our little part, that is empowering and brings vitality. The message of the Midbar is YOU DO MATTER!

As our sages tell us in the Ethics of our Fathers "Rabbi Tarfon said, you are not required to complete the task, yet you are not free to withdraw from it". We must do our part for our people, for our land and for ourselves.

Am Yisrael Chai!
Shabbat Shalom and Chag Shavuot Sameach


Rabbi Yossi Marrus 


Friday, May 7, 2021

Strong Foundations -Behar Bechukotai


Strong Foundations
Parshat Behar-Bechukotai


This week's double Torah portion is called Behar-Bechukotai. It contains many mitzvot ranging from the Shemita (Sabbatical year) to the laws of helping the poor and of course the verses of admonition, known as the Tochecha

The portion begins with the words " וידבר ה' אל משה בהר סיני לאמר - And Hashem spoke to Moshe on Mt. Sinai saying". The famed commentary Rashi questions the need to state that G-d spoke to Moses on Mt. Sinai the laws of the Sabbatical year. "After all, weren't all the commandments given at Sinai?" he questions. Rashi therefore answers rhetorically, that just as all the general rules and specifics of the Shemita (Sabbatical year) were given by G-d to Moshe at Mt. Sinai, so too, all the Mitzvot in the Torah, the specifics and the general rules of each Mitzvah were given to Moshe at Mt. Sinai. 

Rashi adds a second interpretation based on a principal called a "Binyan Av" He explains that even though the laws of the Shemita are not repeated in the book of Devarim (Deuteronomy) as many other Mitzvot, nonetheless, all these laws were given to Moshe on Mt. Sinai by G-d.

The Sfas Emes (Rabbi Yehudah Aryeh Leib Alter, 1847-1905 Poland) explains that although we work with the land, own the land, and cultivate the land, we must remember that it all comes from Hashem. By abstaining from working the field on the Shemita year, once every seven years, we demonstrate our trust Bitachon, and faith Emunah in Hashem's providence. Yes, we harvest for six years, but then comes the seventh year, reminding us who is really in control. Similarly, Rabbi Moshe Alshich (1508-1593 Turkey/Tzfat Israel) explains that this is all about recognizing the basis for everything we do; it is not our hands, but it all comes from Hashem.

In other words, this entire passage is trying to teach us an important lesson. We need to always remember the basis and  foundation for everything we do. All the Torah we study, all the Mitzvot we do, all has its root and foundation in Sinai.

Often, I think about what was/is the most important educational lesson I have ever learned. Is it a passage of Torah, a thought provoking essay I read, or perhaps a Shiur/Class I watched or listened to? But come to think of it, anything and everything we study in our lifetime is predicated and based on the educational thinking and precepts we were given as a young child. The formative years in one's life, sets them on a specific path for the years ahead. Early Childhood, Kindergarten, and Elementary School years are spent forming, teaching and establishing the educational tools that the child will have for the rest of their lives. This is why education matters so much to all of us. Everything you learn in life, is based on the educational tools you received as a youngster.

There is a lesson to be learned from our Torah portion in the importance of providing our children with a solid and transformational Jewish education from a young age. It is the most important gift we can give our children. Because, just like with all the Torah laws given at Sinai, when we instill in our children the love and reverence of Judaism, appreciation for Torah values, compassion, empathy, and more, we are setting them up for life. We are establishing the foundation for their entire lives.


As such, no matter where they may roam, our children will always know where they come from and what is their home, their basis and foundation.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 


Wednesday, April 28, 2021

Actions Louder Than Words - Emor


Actions Louder Than Words
Parshat Emor

This week's Torah portion is called Emor. It is a portion that is chock-full of the laws and rituals related to the Kohanim (family of priests, descendants of Aaron the High Priest). These laws range from who a Kohen may marry to the well known Mitzvah of a Kohen not entering a cemetery. 

The opening verse begins (Vayikra: CH 21:1) אמר אל הכהנים בני אהרון ואמרת אלהם - Speak to the Kohanim the sons of Aaron and say to them".

The commentaries wonder why the double emphasis in the verse; "Speak" and then again "say" to them?

The Ibn Ezra (1089-1167 Spain) explains that the first statement is related to the Kohanim, as teachers of Torah to relate all the previous commandments (Parshat Kedoshim), the second statement is related to the specific commandments of the Kohanim.

The Ramban (1194-1270 Spain) explains that the double language is meant to emphasis the importance of these laws. Since most people are not required to abide by them, therefore, it is emphasized for the Kohanim, who are held to a higher standard. They are therefore to be extremely careful in this regard.

The Talmud (Yevamos 114a) in discussing the laws of ritual purity and how it relates to children states, that this statement (in our portion) is cautioning parents to teach their children the laws of ritual purity and that they must be careful not to allow their children to become ritually unclean. The elders bear the responsibility of the young.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (1896-1986 Belarus/United States) explains beautifully, that this is teaching us to regulate our own behavior and model good behavior for our children. For when we model the proper, moral and ethical behavior that the Torah teaches us, it will speak for itself to our children. The mid-19th century essayist and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson quipped "What you do speaks so loud, I can't hear what you say".

Indeed, modeling proper behavior will always be more powerful than a thousand lectures. 

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus