Parshat Bereishit
Owning our Mistakes

Of all the stories of the Torah, one of the most heartbreaking is that of Cain and Abel. It is the story of the first murder of a human being. 

In this first Parshah of the entire Torah, we are told how Adam and Chava (Eve) gave birth to two sons Kayin (Cain) and Hevel (Abel). Hevel became a shepherd while Kayin became a farmer. Kayin brought an offering to Hashem from the fruit of the ground, while Hevel brought an offering from the choicest of his flock. Hashem responds to Hevel's offering, but not to Kayin's. As a result, Kayin became upset and despondent. Hashem comes to Kayin and tells him something remarkable (Bereishit 1:7), "Surely, if you improve yourself, you will be forgiven. But if you do not improve yourself, sin rests at the door. Its desire is toward you, yet you can conquer it".

According to our sages (Radak, Ibn Ezra, Ramban and others) Kayin's offering was not accepted because it was not offered with a full heart and proper intention. Hashem was now therefore telling Kayin, if you offer repentance and take responsibility for your shortcomings, you will be forgiven. But if you do not repent and take responsibility, sin will always be at your door and you will be a slave to it. 

According to the Kabbalah, Kayin's offering was centered on himself-he wanted blessings and more physical things. He figured he could "buy" Hashem's blessings with an offering. Hevel on the other hand did not even think of a material offering to Hashem, as he viewed everything he had as belonging to G-d. However, when he saw his brother make an offering, he did so too, offering the very best of his possessions. 

Unfortunately, Kayin did not take responsibility for his shortcomings. Instead, he blamed his brother for his shortcomings, and then killed him. The rest is history. This sad story and these verses in the Torah teach us an incredible lesson about human psychology and the possibility of Teshuvah and change. 

We all make mistakes. That is inevitable. But Hashem was telling Kayin, "take responsibility for your mistakes". Recognize that it is YOUR mistake and do not blame others. If you do so, you will be set free, but if you refuse, you will continue to be shackled by your own failings.

Our children are meant to make mistakes. We are meant to make mistakes. That's how all human beings are created and it is ok. We make errors, learn from our mistakes, and hopefully, learn not to repeat them. The key is however, to take responsibility and recognize that the only way we can grow from our mistakes is by owning them and understanding what we did wrong. The Torah is giving us this fundamental educational principle for ourselves and our children, in the first portion of the entire Torah.

If we want to lead an uplifting life of spiritual and emotional growth, if we want to raise moral and functional children and students, we need to learn to own our mistakes and learn from them. If however, we blame others, we will be stuck.


Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus