Blessings Galore - Ki Tavo

Parshat Ki Tavo
Blessings Galore


This week's Torah portion of Ki Tavo is most well known for the Tochecha - the verses of admonition. These frightful verses of admonition or curses, are read twice yearly, prior to Rosh Hashanah and prior to Shavuot. The theme of this reading is, what will happen if we do not listen to Hashem's commandments and turn our backs on His holy Torah. Unfortunately, history has shown that we have endured these many negative challenges throughout our history (see Ramban's explanation of the Tochecha).

Just prior to the Tochecha however, there are a number of moving and beautiful verses describing the amazing blessings we will receive if we do follow Hashem's word and commandments. The Torah states (Devarim 28:2) "ובאו עליך כל הברכות האלא והשיגך - All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you". 

The simple meaning of this verse is, that the blessings will be so great that they will overwhelm us. According to the Seforno (Italy 1470-1550), even when we make no effort to receive these blessings or it defies logic, these amazing blessings will continue to be showered upon us. The Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh (Morocco/Israel 1696-1743) explains that even if the Heavenly Court may protest these extravagant blessings as the Jewish people may not be entirely worthy, nonetheless, nothing will prevent these blessings from coming to fruition.

Perhaps, there is an added message in these words "והשיגך - will come over you and overtake you". 

Often, we are so busy with life and all its stresses that we simply are not able to focus on all the blessings we already have. We are so focused on what we don't have that we don't take the time to be grateful and celebrate all that G-d has graced us with. The lesson here is, that Hashem will not only bless us, but give us the clarity and spiritual maturity to be grateful and celebrate all the incredible blessings already in our lives.

A story is told of Rabbi Dovber Schneuri of Lubavitch (Russia 1773-1827) in his youth. On one occasion, he fainted when he heard the verse of the Tochecha (in this week's parshah) and remained ill for weeks. The harsh words were too much for his delicate and sensitive soul. When asked why he had not reacted so strongly to the Tochecha in the past, he replied: “In the past I heard the reading from my father. And when my father reads them, I hear only blessings…”

According to the Kabbalah the greatest blessinsg are hidden within these verses of the Tochecha. If there are great blessings in what outwardly seems so negative, how much more so there are incredible blessings in every aspect of our lives. We just need to discern and celebrate them.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

A Rebellious Child? - Ki Teizei

A Rebellious Child?
Parshat Ki Teizei

In this week's Torah portion we read one of the most disturbing and difficult passages of the Torah. It is the topic of the Wayward and Rebellious Son. 

The Torah states (Devarim: 21: 18-21) "If a man will have a wayward and rebellious son, who does not hearken to the voice of his father and mother, and they discipline him, but he does not hearken to them". The Torah continues to tell us that the parents must bring this child to the elders of the city and make a declaration of how terrible and rebellious this child is (a glutton and drunkard etc.). The punishment is that he will be stoned, "you shall remove the evil from your midst; and all Israel shall hear and they shall fear".

What a disturbing reading! Is any child/adolescent that bad, that they should be stoned? How can the Torah even contemplate such a cruel thing? What is the point of this commandment of the Ben Sorrer Umoreh - the Rebellious Son?

The Talmud (Tractate Sanhedrin 71-72) discusses this passage at length, and provides some critical insight. Firstly, the penalty imposed on this youngster is not because of the gravity of what he did, but of the monstrous human being he will become. Second, according to this very same passage in the Talmud a "Ben Sorer Umoreh" has never happened, nor will it happen. What then is the point of reading about a concept that never happened, nor will happen?

Our sages see in this reading so many lessons about education and how we should approach guiding our children in the proper path of life. As such, we can look at this topic as a prediction of what happens when we do not approach things properly. 

For example, if a child is not listening to his parents and authority and doing bad things, what will happen to them if they are not admonished and set on a proper path? What happens if both parents are not on the same page when it comes to discipline and guiding their child? What happens when there is no consistency in how we raise our children?

Perhaps, we can also recognize that sometimes we must change what we are doing. A child who is not responding to his parents and authority needs a different approach. Clearly, the warning, screaming and even threatening is not working. We need to try a different approach.

It is also telling when the Torah uses the term "our son is a glutton and drunkard" (21:21). When someone is in a state of confusion, not-self aware, and behaves in a s self-absorbed manner, they are very similar to someone who is drunk, who is stumbling around with no sense of reality or decency. 

Perhaps, we need to reinterpret the narrative of these verses and read them as follows. If you see a child who is acting out, refusing to listen to authority figures, and acts with no sense of self-respect and decency, SOUND THE ALARM! Do not let them become a wayward and rebellious child. Get them help NOW!

We are blessed to live in an era where mental health has become readily accessible and socially acceptable. It is not that long ago when speaking to a psychologist or therapist was deemed quacky. Today, thank G-d, we know so much better. The mental health professionals in our communities are providing life-saving treatment, and helping our children become healthy, productive and spiritual children. They are a gift and we must work together, parents/teachers/mental health providers, to raise our children in the most healthy and positive manner. 

We indeed have the power to make sure that no child ever becomes a Ben Sorrer Umoreh. We just have to be willing to not fool ourselves and ask for help or intervention when we see it is necessary.

May Hashem help us be the best parents and educators we can be.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus

Wasted Talents - Parshat Shoftim

Wasted Talents
Parshat Shoftim

In this week's Torah portion we read a plethora of different Mitzvot ranging from false prophets to unsolved murder cases. The overall arching theme of the Parshah is the establishment of a judicial system and the responsibility that the leaders of the community carry.

In our portion the Torah states (Devarim 20:19-20) When you besiege a city for many days to wage war against to seize it, do not destroy its trees by swinging an axe against them, for from it you will eat, and you shall not cut it down; is the tree of the field a man that it should enter the siege before you? Only a tree that you know is not a food tree, it you may destroy and cut down". 

This commandment is known by its Hebrew term Bal Tashchit, which means wasting or destroying. In the midst of a chapter dealing with the laws of war, the Torah tells us about being careful not to destroy fruit trees, or unnecessarily break or destroy things around us. It is essentially teaching us that even in the fog war, we must do everything in our power to maintain our dignity and humanity and be sensitive even to vegetation, how much more so human life. The Maharal (Rabbi Yehuda Loew of Prague 1520-1609) further explains that just as trees grow branches and fruit, so too, we as human beings, must grow and be productive in our moral, intellectual and spiritual path in life.

This Mitzvah is expanded to include non wartime as well, and we are enjoined to not waste food, destroy property, tear or ruin clothing etc. 

Perhaps, we can see in this Mitzvah another dimension as well. Often, teachers and parents have a vision of what they want their child or student to accomplish. We have a set of expectations, goals and even a plan for our children. The problem is that sometimes these expectations or goals are not only unrealistic but downright harmful. As our children grow we become aware of their own positive and negative personality traits, idiosyncrasies,  trigger points, and challenges. We also become aware of their G-d given gifts and abilities which may range from art, music, athletics to a brilliant Talmudic-legal mind. 

Bal Tashchit is not just about wasting resources or destroying property. It is also about not celebrating the gifts that G-d has given us and our children. Every human being is unique and blessed with individual talents and capabilities. Sometimes, we need to pivot and shift our expectations and goals and make sure that they are embracing and celebrating the personality and G-d given talents of any particular child or human being. There is a beautiful saying attributed to Rabbi Zush of Anipoli (1718-1800 Ukraine) "After 120 when I come up to Hashem, I am not worried if I will be asked, why weren't you like Moses or Solomon because I will respond I wasn't created like them with their talents and capabilities. But what I am afraid about is when they will ask me why weren't you like all Zushe could have been".

Let us celebrate the uniqueness, talents and beauty of each and every one of our children and not fall prey to the sin of Bal Tashchit of Wasted Talents.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

Experiential Learning - Re'eh

Experiential Learning
Parshat Re'eh

"Tell me, and I forget. Teach me, and I remember. Involve me, and I learn." Benjamin Franklin

In this week's Torah portion of Re'eh, our great leader and teacher Moshe, continues his narrative to the Jewish people. This last will and testament of sorts, spans the majority of multiple portions of Devarim (Deuteronomy), concluding with Moshe's death and the ascension of Joshua as the new leader. The theme is quite direct and on point. Stay focused, stay connected, and listen to Hashem's word. Seems simple enough, yet as history has proven, not that simple after all.

So often, when we want to impart information or values to our children, we try and communicate verbally. We explain, speak, reason, and sometimes even scream, in our efforts to get the point across. After all, we feel the responsibility and necessity to impart this knowledge or important information to our children. Hence, the urgency and frustration, especially if we don't think the message is being received.

But is there an easier and more impactful way to impart information and critical lessons?

In the second reading of our portion the Torah states (Devarim: 12:28) Shemor V'Shamata - Safeguard and hearken to all these words that I command you, in order that it be well with you and your children after you forever, when you do what is good and right in the eyes of Hashem your G-d".

It seems strange that the Torah uses a double verb "Shemor-safeguard" and "V'Shamarta-Hearken". Usually, a double verb is meant for emphasis as it is here as well. But there is more. According to the commentary Rashi (France 1040-1105), Moshe is teaching us the secret to spiritual fulfillment, accomplishment and education. The first step is "safeguard" which means that what we study or experience must become part of who we are. The information cannot remain on paper, rather, it must become part of our experience. The second step is "hearken". Once the information has become your own reality and part of who you are, then one can and will perform the Mitzvot in a beautiful and meaningful way and never stray from it. Personal experience and connection equals commitment.

Having just returned from leading another Taglit-Birthright trip to Israel for young Jews ages 18-22, I can attest to this very idea. One simply cannot compare studying about Israel and the Torah in a book, to experiencing the land of Israel in real time. The smells, scenery, topography, history and spirituality, becomes part of one's personal experience. As one walks the earth of our homeland, touches the ancient ruins of the city of David, or rides a donkey through the valleys of the Galilee, the history and experience becomes real and relevant.

Perhaps, Moshe was trying to impress on us that the secret to engaged and dedicated Jews is not how many books or lectures one might amass, but rather, the personal experience that will keep us lifelong engaged Jews.

“Educate the child according to his way, then when he ages he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6) is what King Solomon wrote, and how right he was.

Shabbat Shalom,