Face to Face Relationships - Vayigash

Face to Face Relationships

Parshat Vayigash

In this week's Parshah of Vayigash, the Torah recounts the standoff between Yehudah and Yosef. Yosef, the viceroy of Egypt, had accused Binyamin of being a thief after the royal goblet was found in his bag. As such, he was subject to a life of imprisonment and hardship. Yehudah, the guardian, and one responsible for Binyamin,  had promised his father Yackov, that he would protect him at all costs. 

The portion opens with the words (Bereishis 44:18)
"ויגש אליו יהודה.. כי כמוך כפרעה - And Yehudah approached him... for you are like Pharaoh". 

The Midrash teaches us that Yehudah chose his words very carefully as he approached Yosef for this final "conflict resolution discussion". This was a face-to-face, frank discussion, that had huge ramifications for all parties involved. He begins with polite introductions, platitudes, and then continues with a heartfelt plea for Binyamin who was the  youngest son of an elderly father in Canaan. Then Yehudah gets down to brass-knuckle tactics. He threatens Yosef and Pharaoh, and is ready to fight and wage war, and if need be, have himself killed in the process of defending his brother.

This is the moment when Yehuda and his brothers are ready to risk their lives to protect Binyamin, and also to complete their Teshuvah (repentance) for having sold Yosef into slavery and not protecting him at all. Indeed, they pass this test with flying colors and the twelve brothers, the tribes of Israel, are finally reunited.

The question still remains however, what went wrong? Why did the brothers not appreciate or value Yosef and his dreams? Why was Yosef not able to communicate or show his brothers that he was not threatening the family hierarchy or trying to destroy the family?

In today's flurry of distant interactions through Facebooking, Instagram, emailing and texting, we are lacking in our face to face relationships and friendships. The recent pandemic underscored this even more. Perhaps, Yehuda's face to face plea and discussion with Yosef is a lesson of how we can better our relationships by focusing on interpersonal and face to face relationships. While we may sometimes have differences of opinion, view points and more, the ability to discuss, share and even disagree in a friendly manner is an art our society has clearly lost.

So too, with our children and family members, nothing can replace the face to face smiles, conversations and sometimes difficult discussions that we must have. The key is keep it close. Keep it personal. Keep it face to face.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus