Holy Parenting-Kedoshim

Holy Parenting
Parshat Kedoshim

This week's Torah portion of Kedoshim opens with the words, " קדשים תהיו - You shall be holy", enjoining us to be a holy nation and people. The following verse speaks about the Mitzva of honoring our parents, as the Torah states "Every man: your mother and father you shall revere" (Vayikra 10:1-3).

According to the commentary Sforno (Italy 1470-1550), the common denominator between these commandments, being holy, honoring parents, and the subsequent Mitzvot of Shabbat, and not worshiping idols, is that we are to be different and elevated from the ancient nations of the world. The Mitzvot provide a framework in how we are to act, to be morally superior.

I have often wondered why the Mitzvot of  being holy and honoring our parents are mentioned in such close proximity to each other?! What is is about these two commandments that binds them? In fact, they seem quite different from each other; (a) yearning for holiness and a connection to G-d, and (b) honoring our parents, notwithstanding their faults and deficiencies.

Perhaps by inverting the text  somewhat, we may read it as follows-by honoring our parents and understanding the fundamental quality of parenting, we can then become more G-dly and more holy. 

What is the meaning of being a parent? Beyond the biological facts and realities, parenting is something that is far more meaningful and life-changing than just a biological reality. Our sages tell us "There are three partners in the formation of a person: G-d, the father and the mother. The parents each contribute to the creation of the body, and G-d puts in the spirit"( Talmud Nidda 31a). When we are cognizant that we are a partner with Hashem and our spouse in forming a new life, it reminds us of the great responsibility we carry. It reminds us that the little person we are caring for does not belong to us, but rather, is a gift from G-d that we may enjoy. By the same token, it also reminds us that our parents were partners with Hashem in our creation.

This is what the Mitzvah of being holy is all about, and its connection to honoring our parents. When we recognize that we are someone else's gift, and we respect them for their role in our existence, even if they are not perfect, we have acted in a holy manner. We must also apply the same lesson to our precious children, recognizing that we are blessed by their presence. Our children are not ours, but they are a gift that we get to enjoy.

This is true holiness -living our lives and raising our children in an environment that celebrates each and every individual person.

Shabbat Shalom,