Innocence - Chayei Sarah

Innocence
Parshat Chayei Sarah

This week's Torah portion of Chayei Sarah (the life of Sarah) ironically opens with the account of her passing. Our matriarch Sarah, had a long and beautiful life. The Torah describes her passing
ויהיו חיי שרה מאה שנה ועשרים שנה ושבע שנים שני חיי שרה"
Sarah's lifetime was one hundred years, twenty years, and seven years; the years of Sarah's life."

Understandably, our commentaries want to understand the strange structure of this verse "one hundred years, twenty years, and seven years" when it would have been much simpler to just state; she lived one hundred and twenty seven years. Rashi (France 1040-1105) explains (Bereishis Rabbah 58:1) that it is teaching us that at the age of one hundred she was free of sin like a twenty year old (the heavenly court does not punish prior until age twenty). At the age of twenty, she was beautiful and innocent like a seven year old. The Chuzkuni (France 13th Century) elaborates on this and says that just as a seven year old has a natural beauty, so too, Sarah, had that quality. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Belarus / US 1895-1986) explains that although Sarah was so beautiful, yet her beauty did not cause others to see her in an  inappropriate manner. Rather, she was viewed in a beautiful, spiritual and innocent way.

We may wonder why it seems that the Torah commentaries are focused on explaining this verse with a focus on innocence and beauty. Can't we just say that Sarah was beautiful and leave it at that?

We live in the information age. Between the development of smartphones, computers and hi-speed internet capability, the world is at our fingertips. We have access to practically anything and everything  we want, and can buy, sell, trade, watch, teach and study in a much quicker way than ever before. The world has become a smaller place, with us able to communicate, text, chat, and video call with people from all over the globe, and view events happening in real-time wherever they may be. But along with these exciting developments and changes in our world comes a dangerous pitfall. Our children have access to many inappropriate and negative things as well. From the inappropriate and vulgar music, video games and TV shows, to the downright exploitation of women and things of a sexual nature, our children are more exposed than ever before in the history of the world.

As such, as parents and educators, it is of the highest priority to keep our children far away from these negative influences. The innocence of our children is something that we ought to preserve, as long as possible, before they become exposed to the dark side of our world.

Perhaps our Torah portion is teaching us this important lesson. Innocence is a beautiful and important quality and a vital component of raising children. Let's not be in a rush to have our children grow up and be exposed to everything out there. Rather, like Sarah our matriarch, let our children have the blessing of innocence, purity and childhood for as long as possible.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

Don't Give Up - Vayera

 

Don't Give Up
Parshat Vayera

Our Torah portion opens with Avraham Avinu recovering from the Brit Milah (circumcision) as he sits outside his tent. The Torah describes how three angels in the form of men came to visit him. Avraham runs towards them, bustling about welcoming his guests, treating them like royalty and prepares for them a true  feast. Avraham asks Sarah to prepare and knead cakes.

Then the Torah says "ואל הבקר רץ אברהם, ויקח בן בקר רך וטוב ויתן אל הנער וימהר לעשות אותו - Then Avraham ran to the cattle , took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to the youth who hurried to prepare it".

Rashi (France 1040-1105) brings a clarification (Midrash Rabbah 13) that the "youth" was Yishmael who Avraham wanted to educate in the proper path of Mitzvot. As such, Yishmael was given the task of helping to prepare for the guests. 

As this portion of Vayera is the fourth portion in the Torah, I believe that this is the first mention of Chinuch (Education) in the Torah. We see how Avraham, the first Jew, is making a conscious and directed effort to educate his thirteen year old son. 

However, when we look closer at the previous Parshah, Lech Lecha, and later on in our Parshah, something additional stands out. Yishmael was not exactly a model citizen or an easy child. The Torah describes him (Berishit 16:12) as "And he shall be a wild-ass of a man, his hand against everyone, and everyone's hand against him; and over all his brothers shall he dwell". Later on in our Parshah, Yishmael is banished by Sarah for his wild and wicked behavior.

Surely, it was challenging and difficult for Avraham to parent this child, especially as he entered his teen years. And yet, we see something beautiful and insightful. Avraham continued to believe in his son and provide Chinuch (education) for him. He looked for ways to involve his son and make him feel invested and connected to Hachnasat Orchim (inviting guests) and Mitzvot. He refused to give up on him.

What a beautiful lesson of never giving up hope on a child, no matter how challenging or difficult it may be. If Avraham refused to give up hope on Yishmael, we can certainly make an extra effort to give love, education and feeling of positivity toward each and every one of our precious children.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus

Happy & Healthy Souls -Lech Lecha

Happy & Healthy Souls
Parshat Lech Lecha

In this week's parshah, we read of our forefather Avram going to war. To understand why, there's some information you need to know. A civil war broke out between the nine ruling kings in that area. Five of those kings were under the rule of the four more powerful kings, led by Nimrod. These vassal kings revolted, but lost the war and were taken captive. Lot, Avram's nephew who lived in that region, was taken captive by the more powerful forces. Avram went to battle these four kings and free his nephew.

After Avram is victorious, he visits Malki-Tzedek, King of Shalem (Jerusalem), who was a Kohen, (priest) and gives him ten percent of everything he had. This is the first reference to giving tithes (Ma'aser) of our earnings. Seeing his generous gift, the king of Sodom (one of the vassal kings rescued by Avram), says (Bereishit  14:21), "Give me the people and take the possessions for yourself". Avram's response is, "I lift up my hand to Hashem, G-d, the Most High, Maker of heaven and earth, if so much as a string to a shoe-strap; or if I shall take from anything of yours!"

On the surface, Avram refuses to take anything of the spoils of war, because he does not want the king of Sodom or others to claim that he became rich off misfortunes. He therefore vows that he wouldn't take a thing. The Talmud (Tractate Sota 17a) tells us, "As a reward for Avram refusing the king's offer with words "from a string to a shoestrap" his children were rewarded with the Mitzvot of Tzizit (with strings) and Teffilin (with straps)". 

According to the Kabbalah and the writings of Chassidus, there is something even more profound going on here. There is a constant battle between the forces of Kedusha  (holiness) and Kelipa (unholiness). Avram represents Kedusha and the king of Sodom represents Kelipa. The forces of Kelipa tell Avram "תן לי הנפש - Give me the souls". The Kedusha responds, I will not let you take control of these precious souls. You keep to your physical and material pleasures and I will keep to the spiritual and souls. 

Perhaps the educational lesson that we can learn from this deeper explanation is the follows. So often, we get carried away with educational accoutrements, i.e., the plush trappings, fancy classrooms, nice websites and shiny team uniforms. In this process of running after these material things, we lose focus of what is truly important - the soul of education - that children should be safe, happy and inspired. Maybe Avram was saying that we shouldn't get lost in all the hoopla, we shouldn't get carried away with those things that are not important. Rather, remember to focus on the Neshama-the soul of Jewish education and raise happy, healthy and confident children.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Y. Marrus 

Expectations
Parshat Noach

In this week's Torah portion of Noach we read of the devastating flood that destroyed all of the earth and animals. The only ones saved were Noach, his wife Na'ama, their three sons Shem, Cham and Yafet and their spouses. Of course, two animals of each species and seven of the kosher animals were also brought onto the ark.

The Torah introduces Noach by stating (Bereishit 6:9) "  אלא תולדות נח, נח איש צדיק היה בדורותיו  - And these are the offspring of Noach-Noach was a Tzadik (a righteous man) in his generations".

Noach has the unique distinction of being just about the only human being ever called a Tzadik in the Torah, and yet our sages profoundly disagree on his level of righteousness. Rashi (France 1040-1105 France) brings the famous Midrash Tanchuma which says "Some rabbis praised Noach, saying that he was truly righteous and had he lived in the generation of Avraham, he would have been even more righteous. Other rabbis denigrated Noach saying, he was only righteous in his generation, because everyone else was wicked, but had he lived in Avraham's generation he would have been considered just average".

The obvious question is, why can't we just let it be? Why can't we be happy for Noach and his accomplishments? Why tarnish his reputation, especially if the Torah refers to him by the special adjective - a Tzadik?!

Many commentaries explain that Noach is held to task for not advocating for his generation and pleading for their redemption and forgiveness. Both Avraham and Moshe were told that others will perish and they both advocate and plead with Hashem to spare the sinners. For this reason, Noach is seen negatively, as he should have done more to help those around him.

Rabbi Eliyahu Kitov (Israel 1912-1976) explains in his Sefer Haparshiyos that each generation must be judged by its own generation and time. It would be simply unfair to judge people based on another time, place and circumstance.

Perhaps there is a deeper lesson for us in how we view our children. Too often, we judge our children based on the accomplishments of their peers, siblings and our own reality. We essentially are judging them, not in the "generation" they live in, but based on others expectations, standards and social norms. Perhaps the Torah is sharing with us that every child must be evaluated based on their own reality, abilities and challenges.

This is then the meaning of " בדורותיו - in his generations". Yes, maybe compared to others, Noach was diminished, but based on his generation, his reality and circumstance, and his challenges, he was indeed a wonderful Tzadik.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

Parshat Bereishit
Owning our Mistakes

Of all the stories of the Torah, one of the most heartbreaking is that of Cain and Abel. It is the story of the first murder of a human being. 

In this first Parshah of the entire Torah, we are told how Adam and Chava (Eve) gave birth to two sons Kayin (Cain) and Hevel (Abel). Hevel became a shepherd while Kayin became a farmer. Kayin brought an offering to Hashem from the fruit of the ground, while Hevel brought an offering from the choicest of his flock. Hashem responds to Hevel's offering, but not to Kayin's. As a result, Kayin became upset and despondent. Hashem comes to Kayin and tells him something remarkable (Bereishit 1:7), "Surely, if you improve yourself, you will be forgiven. But if you do not improve yourself, sin rests at the door. Its desire is toward you, yet you can conquer it".

According to our sages (Radak, Ibn Ezra, Ramban and others) Kayin's offering was not accepted because it was not offered with a full heart and proper intention. Hashem was now therefore telling Kayin, if you offer repentance and take responsibility for your shortcomings, you will be forgiven. But if you do not repent and take responsibility, sin will always be at your door and you will be a slave to it. 

According to the Kabbalah, Kayin's offering was centered on himself-he wanted blessings and more physical things. He figured he could "buy" Hashem's blessings with an offering. Hevel on the other hand did not even think of a material offering to Hashem, as he viewed everything he had as belonging to G-d. However, when he saw his brother make an offering, he did so too, offering the very best of his possessions. 

Unfortunately, Kayin did not take responsibility for his shortcomings. Instead, he blamed his brother for his shortcomings, and then killed him. The rest is history. This sad story and these verses in the Torah teach us an incredible lesson about human psychology and the possibility of Teshuvah and change. 

We all make mistakes. That is inevitable. But Hashem was telling Kayin, "take responsibility for your mistakes". Recognize that it is YOUR mistake and do not blame others. If you do so, you will be set free, but if you refuse, you will continue to be shackled by your own failings.

Our children are meant to make mistakes. We are meant to make mistakes. That's how all human beings are created and it is ok. We make errors, learn from our mistakes, and hopefully, learn not to repeat them. The key is however, to take responsibility and recognize that the only way we can grow from our mistakes is by owning them and understanding what we did wrong. The Torah is giving us this fundamental educational principle for ourselves and our children, in the first portion of the entire Torah.

If we want to lead an uplifting life of spiritual and emotional growth, if we want to raise moral and functional children and students, we need to learn to own our mistakes and learn from them. If however, we blame others, we will be stuck.


Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus