Parenting with the Four Species - Sukkot

Parenting with the Four Species
Chag Ha'Sukkot 

What type of parent are you? Are you a an Etrog or Lulav parent? Or perhaps, is your parenting style more alike the Haddas or the  Aravah?

On of the beautiful and special Mitzvot of Sukkot is the commandment of Arba Minim-the Four Species. The Torah (Vayikra 23:40 ) commands us to take the 4 Species- The Etrog (citrus), Lulav (palm frond), Haddas (Myrtle branch) and Aravah (willow) and make a blessings on them during the festival of Sukkot. The sages in the Talmud give multiple reasons for this Mitzvah.

The Sefer Habahir (R. Nechunya Ben Hakanah, Israel, 1st century) explains this Mitzvah based on the teachings of the Kabbalah. It describes the four species as four parts of a human being: The Esrog represents the heart, the seat of our emotions. The Hadas (myrtle) has leaves shaped like an eye. The Lulav (date palm) represents the spine, from where our actions emanate. The Aravah (willow) represents the lips, our speech.

The four species must be taken together as a unit. So too, to achieve happiness, one must use all of his/her  faculties in unison. You cannot say one thing and feel another. We must unify our feelings, our actions, our speech and our outlook. With all of these working together, we are well on the path to self-esteem, tranquility and joy.

Perhaps, we can find a lesson in parenting as well in this commandment.

The Esrog/Heart represents a parenting style of high emotions. The Lulav/Spine represents the parenting style of rigidity and unbending values. The Hadass/Eyes represent the parent who looks at everything with a spiritual outlook. And finally, the Aravah/mouth represents the very down-to-earth, physically involved parenting style.

Perhaps, the message of the Arba Minim is, that each one of these parenting style alone does not bode well for the child. It is a synthesis and blend of all of these, that are needed to raise a mindful, healthy, functional and spiritual style. We need the spiritual outlook balanced by the practical, the rigidity and structure must be tempered by the heart and emotions. Truly, e
ach one of the Arba Minim compliments the other.

Chag Sukkot Sameach!
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

The Art of Listening-Ha'azinu

The Art of Listening
Parshat Ha'azinu


 We hear sounds, noises and words. Seems like one of the most basic human functions. But are we really listening?

This week's Parsha Ha'azinu is named after the special song of Moshe Rabbeinu. It is a song that recounts Jewish history from the beginning of time, foretells the future, and according to our sages, has everything contained in it. 

The verse begins with the words (Devarim 32:1) " האזינו השמים ואדברה ותשמע הארץ אמני פי - Give ear, O heavens and I will speak, and may the earth hear the words of my mouth".

Rashi (France 1040-1105) explains that Moshe calls on the heavens and the earth to be his witnesses, as he begins to foretell both the good and bad that will befall the Jewish people throughout history. The heavens and the earth that have been around since the creation of the world, are the appropriate witnesses to this expansiveness of time.

But if we pay closer attention to the words, we find something remarkable. Moshe says "Give ear, O heavens... and may the earth hear the words of my mouth". Many years later the great prophet Isaiah utters a similar prophecy when he says (Isaiah 1:2) " שמעו שמים והאזיני ארץ-Give ear, O earth, and hear O heavens". The Midrash Tanchuma explains that all the prophets were equal as we see the words of the prophecy reverberate throughout history (Moshe and Isaiah lived some 700+ years apart).

Rabbi Akiva explained that when Moses uttered the Torah, he was in the heavens, and that he speaks with the heavens like one who is speaking with his friend, since he said: GIVE EAR, O HEAVENS. But when he saw that the earth was far from him, he said: LET THE EARTH HEAR THE WORDS OF MY MOUTH. In the case of Isaiah, however, because he was on earth, he said: HEAR, O HEAVENS, [since they were] far from him. After that he said: AND GIVE EAR, O EARTH, because it was near to him.

The word Ha'azinu comes from the word "אזן -Ear", hence the meaning, to listen or hear. In the Yiddish language the word to listen is "Heren" but to comprehend and really understand is "Derheren". In other words, there is a fundamental difference between hearing and comprehending/understanding.

As parents and educators, we are always hearing words, sentences, complaints, kvetching and more. But, are we really comprehending and understanding what the child is saying or unable to say? So often, the real issue is not what a child is saying or doing but the deeper issue that is behind it.

Moshe Rabbeinu encourages us to really listen and comprehend our children and other people. Thus, not only do we listen to the blessings of Ha'azinu but we truly connect and comprehend to the depths of our souls.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

Quality Time - Vayelech

Quality Time
Parshat Vayelech

This week's  portion of Vayelech opens with the narrative of Moshe taking leave of the Jewish people. The Torah tells us (Devarim 31:1-2) "Moshe went and spoke these words to all of Israel. I am a hundred and twenty years old today, I can no longer go out and come in, for Hashem has said to me "You shall not cross this Jordan".

The Ramban (Nachmanides 1194-1270 Spain/Israel) explains that after sealing the special Brit (covenant) with the Jewish people (in last week's portion), Moshe visited each tribe in their own encampment and said goodbye and blessed them. Additionally, Moshe Rabbeinu gave each tribe a special gift.

The Midrash (Devraim Rabbah 9:4) tells us that prior to his death, Moshe wrote 13 Torah scrolls. Twelve of these were distributed to each of the Twelve Tribes. The thirteenth was placed in the Ark of the Covenant (with the stone Tablets). If anyone would come and attempt to rewrite or falsify the Torah, the one in the Ark would "testify" against him. 

How touching that in his final moments of life, Moshe not only personally visited each and every tribe, but also presented them with a memento, a personal gift to be cherished for all time.

The portion of Vayelech is always read in close proximity to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, also known as the High Holiday season. This special time of the year is extremely busy, financially overwhelming, and stressful for many. The holidays are also simply physically exhausting. For the children of Klei Kodesh (those who care for the community i.e., rabbis, rebbitzins, cantors etc.), this time of the year is high-season is particularly overwhelming. For so many people, this most spiritual and uplifting time of the year can become the Low-Holiday season instead of the High-Holiday season which it is. 

Hence the question, how do we make the holidays not only meaningful, but also warm, delightful and a positive and loving experience for our children? How do we make sure that our children feel valued, loved and relevant during this busy month of the Chagim?

Perhaps we can take a lesson from our great teacher Moshe. On the last day of his life he made it a priority to carve out some personal time for each and every one of the Shevatim (tribes). He spent quality time and even gave them a personal gift. Imagine of we were to make it our
priority to carve out some personal and quality time with each of our children and maybe even give them a special Yom Tov gift! It would create positive feelings of love and happiness in this busy time of the year. 

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Y. Marrus 

This Too Shall Pass - Netzavim-Rosh Hashanah

This Too Shall Pass
Parshas Netzavim-Rosh Hashanah

This week's Parshah opens with the words "אתם נצבים היום כולכם - Atem Netzavim Hayom Kulchem-You all stand here today" (Devarim 29:9). The Jewish people had gathered to listen to Moshe's last words and blessings and renew the Covenant with G-d..

Our sages tell us that the word Hayom in our verse is a reference to Rosh Hashanah, as our liturgy tells us "Hayom Haras Olam-today is the creation of man" (Rosh Hashanah Prayers). It is for this reason that the portion of Netzavim is always read in close proximity to Rosh Hashanah.

Of all the traditions of this holiday, the most important is the Shofar, as our sages tell us Mitzvas Hayom B'Shofar - the Mitzvah of the day is the Shofar. We are enjoined to listen to the sounds of the Shofar as we coronate Hashem as king over the universe, yet once again.

The sages in the Mishnah and Talmud tell us that the minimum size of a Shofar must be able to be held in the hand and a bit must protrude on the narrow end, and a bit must also protrude on the wide end. The narrow end represents constraints and difficulty, while the wide end represents expansiveness and openness, as the verse states (Tehhilim 118:5) Min Hameitzar Karasi Ya-h - from the straits I call out unto G-d".

The Ben Ish Chai (1835-1909 Baghdad, Iraq) explains, that the Shofar must protrude on both sides so we can always remember that when we are in a time of constraints (the narrow end), good times are yet to come. Conversely, when we are in times of expansiveness and goodness, we should not forget the difficult times and remain humble and grateful. 

Similarly, the sounds of the Shofar include the Tekiah (long blast), Shevarim (three shorter blasts), and the Teruahin (nine even shorter blasts). The Tekiah is associated with strength and positivity while the Shevarim and Teruah are associated with brokenness and sadness. When blowing the Shofar the
Tekiah must always be separate from the Shevarim and Teruah, as one represents happiness and expansiveness and the other sadness and constraints. While the different sounds of the Shofar seem so diametrically opposed to each other, they actually compliment each other in a beautiful way. 

The Ben Ish Chai further explains this beautifully by means of a story. A man once had a ring made specially for him. On the ring he had inscribed the words "this too shall pass". If he were in trouble and pain, he would look at his ring and remember that good times would be around the corner. When he was in a state of happiness and jubilation, he would look at his ring and remember to be humble and grateful for what he had, as it could all be gone in a moment. The ring reminded him to put everything into perspective and live a humble and G-d fearing life.

The dual message of the Shofar (both the length and sounds) is about humility and perspective. We listen to the shofar, like the man that looked at the ring and remind ourselves "This too Shall pass". We remind ourselves to be grateful for our blessings and stay humble. And when times are difficult, we remind ourselves that tomorrow will be better.

May Hashem bless us all with a Ksiva Vchasima Tova- a happy, healthy and sweet new year with only revealed blessings and goodness.

Rabbi Y. Marrus