Ingrained Character Traits - Ki Tetzei

Ingrained Character Traits 
Parshat Ki Tetzei

This week we read the chock-full portion of Ki Teitzei. It is a portion that has many, many Mitzvot and important lessons. In the second Aliya, the Torah states (Deuteronomy, Chapter 22:1) Lo Tireh Et Shor Achicha-You shall not see the ox of your brother or his sheep or goat cast off, and hide yourself from them; you shall surely return them to your brother". 

The understanding of this verse is as follows; it is a prohibition against turning a blind eye to someone else's property or animals being lost or damaged. The Torah warns us not to make believe we didn't see the animal wandering off, but rather, we have an obligation to take action and protect the property of our fellow. Ramban- Nachmanides (Spanish Talmudist, Kabbalist and Biblical commentator 1194-1270)  explains that this Mitzvah requires one to exert themselves in order to help another.

At first glance this Mitzvah is a bit puzzling. We can understand that we may not harm or cause harm to a fellow. We can also understand the special Mitzvah of returning a lost object (Hashavat Aveidah), as it is a beautiful thing to do. But are we really expected to chase down someone's lost donkey or sheep?! What if I'm wearing a really nice suit or dress that I dont want to get dirty, am I really obligated to go running after a wayward donkey?! 

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Russian/American rabbi and Halachik authority 1895-1986) offers a beautiful explanation. He explains that this commandment was said to counter our self greed and laziness. Therefore the Torah states "You must be commanded to return it, because you will tempted to hide yourself to avoid the trouble". In other words, we need to work on ourselves and overcome our own selfish and self oriented mindset.

Every parent and educator understands the need to teach our children/students positive character traits. In Hebrew we call them Middot Tovot. We want our youth to act responsibly and respectfully, listen to their elders, value the proper things, have morals and so much more. As Jews, we place so much emphasis on being a Mentch- a proper and upright individual. We spend a lot of time talking about what our kids should and must do. But we really don't spend much time discussing how these lessons and behaviors must be ingrained into the hearts and minds of our children.

This Mitzvah is offering us a novel insight into HOW we should inculcate proper Middot into our youth. Its not just about doing things when other people are looking. Its not just about making our parents proud. Its not even about the Jewish guilt that we feel when we don't do what is expected of us. It is about training and conditioning ourselves to be sensitive to others. It is about caring so much about another's belongings that "How could I even think of not helping or doing everything possible for another person"! Raising a child with good Middot is not as much about what we say, but more about what we do. It is about making our positive character traits our second nature.

During this special time of the month of Elul, which is the month of introspection and preparing for Rosh Hashanah, it is an opportune time to take a good look in the mirror and have a little talk with ourselves. Are we really good and G-d fearing people, or is it just a show? Are we raising our children to do the right thing because of social pressures, or because it is morally correct and the right thing.

We are all born with our own character faults and idiosyncrasies. But that doesn't mean that we cant work on ourselves and inculcate within ourselves and our children the Middot that we value so much. It is well worth the investment.

Shabbat Shalom

King of the Hill - Shoftim

Rosh Chodesh Elul
Parshat Shoftim

Wouldn't it be great to be a king or queen of our own country? We would have unfettered resources, unlimited opportunities, and we would be able to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, and no one could say a word. What wouldn't we give to be "the king of the hill?!

In this week's Torah portion of Shoftim, we read about the special Mitzvah for the Jewish people to anoint a king over Israel. We are told the criteria and type of person this king should be. But then the Torah starts telling us the things a king should not do. For example, they may not have too much money, too many horses, or marry too many wives. They also must have a Torah scroll written and it must accompany them wherever they go and guide their every step.

One may wonder, why the need for all the rules? Why crimp his style? He is a king for crying out loud! He is supposed to have a lot of money and possessions, that is what kings do!

As an educator, I approach each school year with excitement and a bit of uneasiness. Even after doing my shtick for twenty four years now, I still wake up with nervous excitement and anxiety on the first day of the school year. At first, it was that I would do a good job and my superiors would be happy with my performance. Now, it's the myriad of things that can go wrong in the school, and this year, we can add to that, all the new COVID-19 protocols and procedures. 

But there is also something uniquely wonderful about being an educator. No matter how exhausted or stressed out one is leading up to the first day of school, once it begins, everything is good. Things settle down, and teachers do what they are trained to do, and they do it so well. The smile on the children's faces, the nervous glances of the parents, the excitement and questions of the teachers to administration, all of this speaks to me and tells me "do your thing... this is what you were created to do".

The last half of the year has been extremely trying and difficult. Perhaps the most challenging aspect has been, the lack of consistency and ability to have a status quo. The rules are always changing. What was good yesterday, is not good today. What was safe two days ago, is now deemed dangerous. We want things to go back "TO NORMAL" as soon as possible. 

But there is an advantage and blessing to all this craziness too. We have been more involved in our children's lives these last months. We have been tested and we have become stronger. We have been forced to do things that we never imagined doing. We have worked from home, zoom, been more mindful of our health and relationships, and really started thinking about our social environment and the people we spend time with. Most importantly, we have been surprised and uplifted by the resiliency of our children. They are so much stronger than we have ever imagined. They have adapted and pivoted and continue to laugh and live, sometimes to our utter confused minds.

Perhaps, this is what the Torah is trying to tell us in these passages about a king. A real king is someone who can be a king even when they don't have all the trappings of royalty. A real leader is someone who uses every single tool in their toolbox to deal with the challenges they face. Yes, it might be frustrating. Yes, it is certainly annoying, but a king does not let them stop at all. Perhaps this is why the Torah calls us "a nation of priests and kings". We have the ability to meet every challenge with poise, dignity and grace. Even when the trappings of luxury and "normal life" are taken away, we have the ability to rise up and be a nation of priests and kings.

As we begin another (most interesting) school year, let's resolve to not underestimate our children or ourselves. We are all kings and queens!  We can and must be pushed to excel academically and grow in the realm of Middot Tovot-positive character traits. All we need to do is believe in ourselves and our children. And yes, even a king or queen needs rules, boundaries and limits. It is what enables them to look inward, search deep and truly become the king of the hill.

Shabbat Shalom and Chodesh Tov!
Rabbi Y. Marrus